Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
I have a varied taste in music Graeme, weird im just listenin to one step beyond, ska hits,before that Byron Lee, but could play sabbath bloody sabbath nxt, wot do you suggest? xx
Graeme...they're good weekends away eh? you'll be back on your vespa before you know it, my brother-in-law was in to them, had one a few years ago but was nicked from outside his flat, then he got another and had an accident....now sticks to 4 wheels, besides 2 children wouldn't fit on the back of a scooter lol!! xx
i hope your daughter will be ok and she will beat it was has put her off having more treatment is it the chemo that has put her off having more i dont know how im feeling at the moment just very down the only person on a 1 2 1 chat is her they reason i wanted to look inside a morgue was to see if you are dead what they do with you strange aint it im terrified of dying and the thought makes me ill i know we all got to go but i dont want to mad aint i xxxx
Dear Shell My babe hates how the chemo makes her feel and the fact that it's taken so much away from her i.e 2nd year of college was a no go and no Uni this year when all her friends are going...don't think about dying babe, when my Dad passed away in february eveyone but me and Michaela went to see him in the chapel of rest, I was with him 50 mins before he went but could never have imagined seeing him once he was gone, seriously hun why do you want to go to a morgue, it will only make you worse, like Shezie said is it because of your OCD? each to their own but I'd advise against it and live each day as it comes, you're not mad you just need to talk to someone about your fears ((((hugs)))) and much love Teresa xxxx
