Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
Where you from Graeme? sounds soo lovely on the fishin boats, and wot a sad story bout Tinkers litter, aint she the lucky one to have found you, an animal lover always ok in my book! I have to ask, wot does FOFL stand for? its an education on this site ,only just found out who sticky vicky is,dont think i want to meet her! xx
I used to have a friend who raced Ducati,s,took me round the Snetterton track on the back once (ever heared the xpression fear is brown? ) nearly pooed myself! used to go about with a gang of bikers in my youth!! Hethal is the name of place where Lotus is based. xx
Shell2 hun... I know it's so easy to say but you really need to stop these thoughts of wanting to visit a morgue and going on certain websites (sorry if you see this as me being out of order) my 18year old babe said to me on Saturday night that if this disease has not gone or it spreads then she is going to refuse further treatment, you can imagine how that made me feel, she is 18 and has her whole life ahead of her and you have too!! just take each day as it come's, you have come so far so don't start feeling despondant now, how do you think you'll make all your new found friends on here feel eh? keep that chin of your's up babe and stay strong...(((((hugs))))) and love Teresa xxxx
Hi graeme Love the superbikes (though wouldn't go on one) and the touring cars as well, been to snetterton a few times to see both in the past, used to take the tent and make a weekend of it xx
Yup guess i am bit of a rock chick Graeme (hey melly that could b my site name!) you should see my record collection.Used to ride on the back of Triumphs,BSA,s,Nortons,Matchlesses, those were the days, my dad used to do his nut at me!, to get them days back again hey, no worries xx
1st i wanna say im so sorry to hear about your daughter an 18 i feel so selfish now and my heart goes out to you im sorry could i please ake what type of cancer has she got and shezie my mc millan nurse thinks i need to see someone and talk to them she said iv been through so much in 2yrs thats why im feeling like i am xxx
Shell,hun tell me your wantin to see a morge etc, is it so that you have some control over your future, or is it part of your ocd that is taking control over you? xx
Shell...there's no need to be sorry and you aren't being selfish, she has Hodgkins Lymphoma stage 4b and in her bone marrow too but now been through 5 months of intense chemo, hopefully just one month left then 4 weeks of radiotherapy but slowly and surely we'll beat it!! Really think you could do with talking to someone hun in making you feel better and to get rid of your fears, there's loads on here with big ears that will listen to you whenever but phaps you'd be better off with a one-to-one xxxx
hi all you nite owls,this is my first time on,its great to no im not alone in the sleepless world of carers and cancer,my partner was and i were told on april fools day that he had oesophagel cancer advanced ,he is coming up to his 6th cycle of chemotherpy .its been 14 weeks from i have had a proper nites sleep,afraid of something happening to him during the nite,listining to his breathing,getting him drinks of water,sick tray,tablets,helping him to the bathroom the list is never ending as im sure everyone knows.,xxx
