Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
Hey MHM, i dont think anything else can get me at the moment i keep running if you now what i mean little flat butty is all flat but will be plumpt back again soon catch me if you can is what i say i bought the kids a new television today we needed one and i thought it would cheer them up seems to have worked for now i think what caused me to shut down was having two birthdays so close after kev on sunday we would have been married a month and on wednesday i lost kev so much going on in me tiny little brain lol im glad i bit the bullet and went to the drs and yes he is referring me to counsellor as i was/am a mess Daz eating will get there its probably the taste of things Kev lost all this taste bubs didnt matter what i did he still couldnt taste anything he will get there Loav and mega hugs chickie sue flat butty mophead madwomanxxxxxxxx
Matey, everything your going thru is normal, so they say yeah?
babes I know as all feathered friends do. you hurt like hell
I aint gonna give you all the bol***** sayings, like times a healer !!!
All Kates gonna say mate is I am here for you, and when you make it thru all the crap I still gonna be here fo you, and you will make it thru, in the meantimes Kates lovein you shedloads xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hey MHM/you CCC also meant to say that Michaela's voice goes croaky at any given time especially when she laughs (but we do laugh at it afterwards) was looking forward to them shops in Brighton you said about but hey! they can wait can't they?? Love and hugs to you all T xxxxxxx
lol its chickie sue butty mophead madwoman blame MHM she keeps adding to my name lol i have now added flat to it oh what the heck just call me madwoman i will answer to anything lol
i am a tough old bird me (that reminds me wonder if MHM pigeon has grown his feathers back) keep bouncing back sorry Michaela having a tough time at the moment wish i could make it all better for you all every one of you
Hey Chickie Kate You are a wonderful person and THANKYOU
yep i hurt like hell considered stupid things then think of kids and who would be there for them even though they are getting older youngest 14 in august who gives a shite for them except me no one who will look after them if im not here no one so thats whats keeping me going at the moment and of course all the love and support that you all give me on here dont know what i would do with out you all i couldnt get on internet earlier and was panicing as i wouldnt be able to say goodnight to him well i could but not like i have and do everyday i know what you meanabout time and healing cant see it meself i want to thump the next person who says it does same goes for all of you i will be here as much as i can for you all love and mega hugs chickie sue butty mophead madwoman xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Right here goes..............? chickie sue butty mophead madwoman (is that right??) and where does the flat come into it? lol!! I sent a pigeon off for MHM the other night and it got where it was meant to go, you're tougher than a pigeon babe as are MHM and chickie Kate eh? (((((hugs))))) and love Txxxxxxx
right I can only remember the mad woman bit of your name oh madwoman mophead...lol
Losing a parent is horrible.. and you are totally unprepared for the hurt it inflicts.. and for 14 and half months my dad has been forever in my thoughts...but to lose a partner/hubby/wife... must be just unbearable at times... I see my dad's widow ..and she has taken losing my dad very very bad ... her mum and her brother passing the 2 previous years.... all she had was my dad and their dog Ben.. he was her world.. and although me and my sis are here for her... her world must feel so very empty... just like you are probably feeling now... It must be so hard and I dont think i would have enough strength to be brave .... so hang in there .. you will find strength from somewhere (((hugs)))
Hey Chickie Teresa, yes! you got it right long title hey but it makes i sent a pigeon to MHM to other week with a cup of tea (the night my kitchen flooded twice) and the cats got it lol feathers every where lol just wondered how the poor pigeon was has anyone seen a bald pigeon? MHM and Chickie Kate and you are so strong and people only to be admired especailly by me love and mega hugs Chickie sue butty mophead madwomanxxxxxxxxxx
hey my chickie sue flat butty mophead madwoman!! LOL!!!! that names just getting longer and longer!! hhahahah Well you know we are always here for you sweet and i know you have had a tough time with the kids bdays but bet Kev is so very proud of you babe cos you all got through it eh? you are such an inspiration to me i just hope i am half as strong as you when my time comes to let my daz go. I'm pleased you have come posting tonight babe but you take it easy and just post when you can we will all be thinking of you anyway. Love and hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hey other chickies Well Daz is all settled now he's washed teeth cleaned and in his "who's the daddy" PJ's lol hope fully he sleeps all night now. Iv'e just took his temp again too and it's gone down a bit to 37.3c so good news there. That flipping pigeon the cats ate it and left me with the torso to clean up!!! Flipping cats hate them sometimes. Yes Kirsty is out again tonight and may be out al night again hope she stays upright too! lol Love and hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hey my chickie sue flat butty mophead madwoman!! LOL!!!! that names just getting longer and longer!! hhahahah Well you know we are always here for you sweet and i know you have had a tough time with the kids bdays but bet Kev is so very proud of you babe cos you all got through it eh? you are such an inspiration to me i just hope i am half as strong as you when my time comes to let my daz go. I'm pleased you have come posting tonight babe but you take it easy and just post when you can we will all be thinking of you anyway. Love and hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hey other chickies Well Daz is all settled now he's washed teeth cleaned and in his "who's the daddy" PJ's lol hope fully he sleeps all night now. Iv'e just took his temp again too and it's gone down a bit to 37.3c so good news there. That flipping pigeon the cats ate it and left me with the torso to clean up!!! Flipping cats hate them sometimes. Yes Kirsty is out again tonight and may be out al night again hope she stays upright too! lol Love and hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
