Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
Dear MHM Hope you ok and did you get to meet up with chickie juls (I was so paranoid that I'd posted her the wrong number I must have checked it about 7 times lol!!) So you're in the temp checking reg as well eh? so am I with Michaela as she neutropenic again she has been in pain with back, chest and neck and can now hardly walk for past 2 days (scaring the shite out of me) but been told it's the side effects of chemo as only 2 days since she finished last course and the full side effects don't hit until between day 5-14 so probably the same with Daryll eh??, we were meant to be going away with Mum on tues/wed to Brighton but doesn't look like we can, have to go to our local on Monday to have bloods done again and if still low they will give me filgrastim to administer her and the number and add of Brighton hospital incase her temp rises!! not really worth the risk is it besides she really doesn't want to be hospitalised in a place she doesn't know. Hope Kirsty and Daryll are ok, is she on the raz again being the weekend, tell her from me to mind her step lol!! Lots of love to all MUS/chickie T xxxxxxx
hey my chickie sue butty mophead madwoman!!! lol I'm still smiling babe!! Glad you popped in to say hello sweet that's really cheered me up!!! You're doing good so keep up all the hard work sweetie pie! I'm glad you feel a little better and you stay strong babe cos you are doing so very well. I love you my little brave soldier!! Love and hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hey mhm... 19 years ago ? crikey.... you were quite young then ... aww bless ya... ((((((hugs))))))
Kate ... I know.. shite shite and more.... but I have to say what my mum usually says ... There is always someone worse off ... Good vibes.. right back ya.. and everyone!
Chickie Chip Butty Sue Gal you are doing so well, we are all so proud of you, reckons your man is watchin over you thinking, thats my gal, but you know, its ok to breakdown on here, yeah
We all gonna love you,whatever mate,
I just want you to be totally yourself, let rip babe, god knows ,you have every right too
Hey MHM yep here i am fighting all the way i will come out of this the other side.............................................................erm where is the other side?
i said to Chickie Kate that i had been by a juggernaut then by a run away train now a tarmac roller thingy but you have to keep getting back up dont you is Daz still eating and drinking better than he was? Loads a love and mega hugs chickie sue butty mophead madwomanxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hey my chickie Teresa I'm sorry our baby chick is not too well at the moment it's such a worry isn't it? (ops nearly typed tit then!!! lol) I hope she starts to feel a little more comfy soon bless her. Send her my love and tell her i hope she is feeling a little better soon. Maybe the back pain is the effects of the CAV chemo then that has set my mind at rest a bit and have just told daz and he said he feels better about that too so thanks for that. I will be checking his temp in the morning again though just to be safe as when he got that croaky voice we all thought it was an infection and turned out to be the c back, so i'm a bit paranoid now! I found out from daz mac nurse that the croaky voice is due to the tumour enlargeing and pressing on daz laryngeal nerve not an infection at all so at least we know now. I'm also sorry that you won't be able to go away now but maybe later in the summer you may still get the chance eh? Love and hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxx
Hey Chickie Kate dont you be worrying about me i had a major meltdown about four days ago couldnt face anymore went to drs and got me some antidepressants well.......................................i should have been taking them before but never did(well i did but it was hit and miss) as i thought that i was made of stronger stuff than this but i have started to take them and am climbling walls and cant sleep lol How was your break? love and hugs Chickie sue butty mophead madwomanxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hey my chickie sue butty mophead madwoman! Glad you are holding up sweet but you take you're time we will all be here for you whatever mood you are in so don't feel you have to be happy just for us ok? You been run over by a lot of stuff are you a flat sue butty now!!!??? lol Bless ya we still love you whatever you feel Daz is still eating and drinking but his appitite is down but that's to be expected eh? Love and hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hey chickie Lisa yeah i was quite young when i lost my dad 24years old, but life goes on eh babe even though it is bloody hard sometimes! Love and hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hey chickie Teresa forgot to say yes i did meet up with chickie Juls we went for a cuppa and it was nice to get away for a little while no disrespect to daz there either. Love and hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxx
hey chickies Ill be back in a mo just settlig daz in bed oh er misses!!! lol See you in a mo just talk amongst yourselves ok? Love and hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi chickie Sue madwoman butty mophead woman!! that's not right is it?? lol
Hope you are feeling ok and, like you sorry not been in touch but been thinking about you and like our MHM and others say, you're a strong woman so keep it up, was going to say you're a tough ole bird!! but didn't want you to think that offensive but you know what I mean eh?! lol!! sending you and all lots of love and hugs T xxxx
