Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
Hey Lisa Yes mate its hard but with the love and support that i have gotten from here doesnt make up for it but makes it more not even bearable i cant think of a suitable word it just makes it a little easier to be able to talk about things its strange how people thing that once our loved ones leave us physically that we should just get on with our lives and they forget you are trying to manage as best as you can i got a couple of friends who i could quite easily slap right now but i have so far restrained myself for how long who knows? sorry to hear about your dad hugs to you love and hugs chickie sue flat butty mophead madwoman xxxxxxxxxxx (p.s please MHM can we not add anymore me hands hurt and i have to stop meself when doing Kev's blog lol)xxxxxxxxxxxx
Hey MHM I am going to go for now as feel meself going down a bit and dont want to ruin chickie Kate's night so i will bid you all goodnight for now and i will be back very soon also Michael wants the comp so he can look at going away cheeky bugger leaving his mother but its ok we happy and fine with it all now so i give each and every one of you so much love and loads of hugs youa re all doing great thank you for everything i mean that from the bottom of my heart (poor pigeon i thought he got away :( ) love and mega hus to everyone chickie sue flat butty mophead madwomanxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hey my chickie sue flat butty mophead madwoman!!! LOL!!!!! i will shorten your name to abbreviations than how about CSFBMM!!!?????? LOL Or may be we should just go back to calling you chickie sue butty??? It's up to you. You decide!! lol I really don't mind babe especially if it causing confusion when to post to your lovely kev and our other chickies!! Love and hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
hey my chickie sue butty There how as that? You have a nice sleep babe and i hope your kev visits you in your dreams. I'm here whenever you need me and keep p/m me ok? Love you loads sweet and please don't think you have ruined chickie kates eve as you haven't at all we all understand how difficult things are for you right now ok? Sweet dreams babe love you lots Still holding your hand Love and hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxx
I know what you mean about the ppl here.. they are all so fab... and then you get the ultra fab ones..lol it really is a great place to come to for support and advice ... Yeah my dad's wife is wanting to slap a few ppl too.. mainly my dad's oncologist!.. I dread to think what would happen if she passed her in the street!.. sometimes its hard for some friends who have never lost a loved one ..or a close family member to grasp just how devastating it is to someone.. andthey ultimately end up saying the wrong thing. try to refrain from slapping em missus... we dont want to get your messages posted from HRM prison...lol
Hey MHM the votes are in and have been counted and verified .........................................................................................
its got to be CSFBMM hasn't it got to keep it going lol you make sure you get some sleep im going to put the washing out and see if it drys i dont think we got rain tonight (erm Mad i hear you all say) lol so goodnight toi everyone and speak soon hope Daz temp keeps coming down his eating will get there did you get those drinks sorted? love and mega hugs for you Love you loads CSFBMMxxxxxx
Chickie Sue I'm changing your name for you!! (am being bossy now ok) chickie Sue 'bouncy' butty mophead madwoman, how's about that? knowing me I've got it wrong again, keep that chin of your's up babe :-)
think your bald pigeon was the same 1 I sent to MHM, found it in me back garden, had thought about putting in the oven but he didn't look that tasty, love and hugs chickie T xxxx
hey my chickie csfbmm!! Thats it then your new name clarified!!! lol Daz did get the ensure drinks and hats everyone of them so iv'e been giving him loads of lucozade instead! Mind i hate the stuff it's disgusting but at least he drinks it You sleep well sweet and i'll catch up with you very soon ok? Love you loads my little soldier Love and hugs MHM xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I like mophead for short... I kinda call that myself sometimes when having a bad hair day..lol have a good nights sleep mophead..and like MHM said.. I do hope your hubby comes to see you and gives you a cuddle.. xxxxxxxxxx
