Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
Hope you know that i was also joking too, hope i didnt p you off!! if you have email address i will send you pic of surrogate nephew? They are keeping Michaela in over easter, she is having blood tests daily as her white blood cells are very low so they are now giving her antibiotics through a drip to try and get her temp down as keep soaring between 39 - 41, if blood count isnt up by tuesday they are going to test her bone marrow, how is your mum? and dad too? xxxxxx
OOhhh Teresa chick, you must be worried sick, like you said the othjer night " we are family" gone all sister sledge now, never mind me, didnt you get no answers? you must be worried to bits, wish I was there to give you a hug babe xxxx
I have got e-mail and would love piccys of baby sam, will pm it tomorrow cos cant remember it right now anyway, you know if we were on friends, well know we are now friends, but friends off tv, I would be Phoebe - thick but careing xxx
Hey Chick Karen yeah shes snug babe, how you feelin? wish my tinternet was quicker its soooo ssssllllowwww, just had a real funny thought, do ya think mother hen is goosed, oh no now im creased up again....
anytime you want to talk about whats going on hun we are all here, just wish there was something i could do or say to make you feel better, wish i could come and give you a big hug, thinking about you, luv karen xxx
No answers yet as wont know till her temp comes down and her white blood cells increase, though i cant fault the haematologist that came to see her today, its just the nursing staff during the day that rile me, Michaela is in an isolation room on her own but they stick to protocol and say that im not allowed up there till visiting starts at 2.30pm, sod that ive managed to be up there at 7.30 today and yesterday i knw she nearly 18 but they dont seem to understand that she wants her mum and i want to be with her!
You know when you get songs in your head? ive now got 'we are family' in mine, was a good song in its time!! so am going to put tmf on and see whats on there as yet again am in that wide awake club!! Do you think karens had an early night?? we'll have to do the big farewell soon (phaps we can add more to it !) lots of love and hugs t xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hey Teresa Chick, I feel the same way as Karen, anytime you need us babe, may act the fool at times, but do care, think thats why us four have bonded, we all may laugh and joke, but all care a lot about each other and what everyones going through xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
going to try and get some sleep now, hope you both have a good sleep, speak tomorrow teresa to see how michaela is, i am sending her loads a love and hugs and same to you, i will be thinking about you both and hope you get some answers hun,
kate, hope you and your mum have a good nights rest, speak tomorrow babe
