Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
hi kate, i may go to bed soon and try to sleep but don't suppose i will for long. Mind i got the carpet fitters out at 8,30am tomorrow to fit the new stair carpet. I finished the bathroom too and got all new fixtures and fittings done today too. Looks really nice in there now so may sleep in the bath hahaha. Thank you for your support babe and i really mean that i feel a bit better now, so maybe i may sleep, suppose it's worth a try. Hope you sleep well my little chicken and hope to catch up with you very soon. love hugs and big easter eggs(bet we don't get any though hahaha) love mother hen mel xxx
Ohh I just love the smell of new carpet mmm Now get to bed cos it wont be long before the fitters are knocking on your door !! Night Mel Love and hugs Kate xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
my dear Kate, now hang on a mo who's the mother hen here???????? hahaha ok mum i will just have one game of solitaire on the computer then will go to bed i promise. You sleep well babe too and thank you for cheering me up! i'm back to my old mumma moo now hahaha love n hugs mother hen melxxxx
Your the mama, thats for sure ha ha, night night mothjer mellymoo, Im away to my bed, what a lightweight hee hee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx mail you soon K xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Dear mother hen mel, karen and kate (samuels surrogate auntys) Mel sorry i wasnt around last night you sounded really down wish i could have lifted you up as you have me in the past (sorry i havent read the last days posts properly but i will tomorrow and then reply properly) this is just a quick message as need my bed, i had my best mate round tonight, i only see her every few months as she moved away 2 years ago but whenever she comes down im never guaranteed an early night hence when i really need one as going to the crem at 10 tomorrow (today) with mum so she can tell dad he got a grandson!! anyway i hope you, daryll. kirsty and daley are ok lots of love hugs fp's and easter eggs teresa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Dear karen sorry to hear about your friend, thinking of you lots and hope the training is going well, your so brave and very strong, think you've been an inspiration to me as i have definately decided to give it a go!! lots of love, hugs and easter eggs teresa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Dear kate hope you are all ok and that duracell bunny is continuing to do well, stay strong and positive (easy to say) but im sure your mum will be ok and i always used to think that at least when dad was taken into hospital as and when that he was in the best place, thinking of you lots of love hugs and easter eggs teresa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
And last but not least about your surrogate nephew...he is GORGEOUS!! he certainly doesnt look as big as his weight, infact Mia seemed bigger than he is and she weighed less at 8lb 5, his full name is Samuel Michael James Horatio (dont ask!!) Kilby and they may be coming home tomorrow if he starts to feed properly as all he's been doing is sleeping though he was awake for a short while today. Dad would be so proud!! anyway love and leave you all as need my bed xxxxxxxxxxxxx
hi our mama hen and little chickys teresa and kate
ive just lost all of my post i did aarrgghhhhhhhhhhh!!
hi mel, hope your feeling a bit brighter today hun, of course your worried about your darryl you want him to have the best care, treatments etc., hes your everything bless him, he is fighting this illness and long may he continue doing so, he has all of us rooting for him, and best of all he has his wonderful wife caring for him, and you are doing a fantastic job mel please dont ever forget that, and its the hardest job ever to care for someone who you love so much. any delays and changes in treatments is bound to be a worrying time for you all, dont ever worry about phoning to see whats going on etc., as you said before your darryls healthn is far more important than anything else, and mel who cares what they think when you phone its not them thats going through it is it mate? i used to phone up about my mum all of the time. you are such a lovely and caring person to us all here and just hope i can try to be the same to you. has your carpet been laid yet? i bet it will look lovely. my little danny bless him has a statement of special needs for speech, language and learning, he is in a speech and language unit at his school and is doing very well, we had an appointment today at one of our local schools to see if they can accomodate his needs etc., and they can which is great, even though he still has another year until he goes to big school (what we call it lol) because of his needs it has to be sorted out now, the school seemed great and the sen teachers were lovely so that has made us feel a bit better about it all. anyway mate i have waffled on enough, hope your still awake lol, lots and lots of love, hugs and massive easter eggs (yum) to you, darryl and kirsty, speak soon, have a good day, love your little chicky and surrogate auntie karen xxx
hi kate, i hope your ok today hun, i know how much you are worried about your mum, as i was the same, but please try and stay as positive and strong as you can (easier said than done i know), you are doing a fantastic job of caring for your mum, your such a lovely daughter and she must be so proud. i hope your mum is feeling ok today bless her!! i am training again on monday then in a couple of weeks will be out there, poor people will hide when theyn see me coming lol. anyway mate have a good day, speak soon, lots of love, hugs and huge easter eggs, nurse gladys lol, fellow chicky karen xxx
hi teresa, i hope little samuel (well not so little) lol is ok and your sister is getting back to normal. hope going to cemetery today is not too hard for you, your dad will be smiling down and be so proud thats its a boy. hope michaela is enjoying herself away. i am so pleased you have decided to go for the job, you will be fantastic at it hun, anyway mate hope your feeling ok, speak soon, lots of love, hugs and huge easter eggs (yum), love your fellow chicky and surrogate auntie karen xxx
Hi Karen Dont get me started on bloody computers, this is now the 3rd time ive typed this post, silly cow think i probably hit cancel instead of submit!!!! Anyway hope you are ok? Im glad your appointment at the school for danny went well. We didnt go to the crem today think mum had a lay-in (she has recently cut her hours down from 5days a week to 4 and friday is her day off) so we going tomorrow instead. Michaela text me this morning and said that germany is 'wicked' and that the hostel they are staying in is really nice, ever since she was a toddler she has had a fear of lifts and even now wont go in 1, yesterday they visited some tower in frankfurt 54 floors and yes she had to use the lift, she cried bless her!!! she is back tomorrow night then on sunday she's off with her dad to Hertfordshire uni for an open day, me and dad went with her last october so she wants to show her dad where she'l be going. Angie and surrogate nephew sam are going home later today, il think he'll have a varied choice of football clobber, Im definately going to get him something man u, james chelsea, michaela west ham (even worse) mum will no doubt get something arsenal for dad and sams uncle is a tottenham supporter (which i only found out last night and i used to think he was a lovely bloke lol!!!)
Well im off up mums later this eve for the usual, few drinks and supper, Mmm i fancy garlic mushrooms!!! sorry my mind wandered there. I got my stuff through today for these training courses except they sent me childcare and counselling!! how did you go about it and hows the training going? I hope you have a great weekend, lots of love, hugs and easter eggs (i dont actually do easter eggs i dont get a chance with Michaela about)!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi dear mother hen mel (i almost typed men hel lol, sorry!!) I hope you are feeling ok and hows daryll doing? be thinking of you on monday, is that when his radiotherapy starts? If he is anything like dad was (and he sounds like he is) he will get through it strongly and positively, dad used to skip out of the room after his treatment which would make us laugh as he was no Billy Elliot!!(and he had it daily for 6weeks, the only day he had off was xmas day bless him), he actually used to look forward to his treatment as he said that everyday day that he kept going was a step closer to it finishing, sorry i waffled there i just wanted to say that i hope (and im sure he will) that daryll gets on well!! Is your decorating all finished now? Well, your surrogate nephew and angie are going home today, he really is gorgeous and doesnt look his weight at all though he certainly feels it after a 10min cuddle!! Hope you, daryll, kirsty and daley have a great weekend, lots of love, hugs, fp's and easter eggs teresa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi kate How are you, your mum and dad today? I hope the duracell bunny is doing ok. I missed you on here last night as see that you were up till quite late or early!!! My best mate came round last night and we only see each other every few weeks since she moved away a few years ago and whenever she comes round im always guaranteed a late one, i get tired around midnight then when she's gone at 3 or sometimes even 4am Im left in the wide awake club, hence coming on her so late/early this morning!! anyway as you can see from above your surrogate nephew is going home today!! ive just had a thought, i wonder if i can somehow insert a photo through a p/m to his surrogate aunts?? il have to see if i can, anyway hun I hope you have a great weekend, lots of love, hugs and easter eggs teresa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
did you manage to go today? hope it wasnt too hard for you all. hope angie and samuel are at home now and that there both ok.
like you i think i had pressed cancel after my post yesterday instead, yes i'm a blonde essex girl lol.
i phoned a few care companies in my area, plus they always advertise in local paper too and got an app form that way, good luck with sorting it out.
been to cemetery today with my flowers it looks lovely, then went to tesco it was heaving, had a bloody headache after that lol.
glad michaela having a good time away, bless her with the lift, how frightening if you dont like them, bet youv'e missed her and will be glad to have her back home.
hope you had a good evening with your mum, did u have garlic mushrooms? yum i love them too.
anyway mate better go and do some tea for the hungry brood, speak soon, lots of love and easter eggs, surrogate auntie karen xxx
hope you have a good weekend, i have just come back from tesco it was a nightmare so busy, got a headache after that lol.
anyway mate going to feed the hugry brood, speak soon, lots of love and easter eggs, surrogate auntie, chicky karen xxx
hi kate, hope you are ok and that your mum is feeling well today. just wanted to send my love before i go and feed the brood, its like feeding time at the zoo lol.
have a good weekend, speak soon, lots of love and easter eggs, surrogate auntie, chicky karen xxx
Hey Chicks, Mama Mother Hen Mel Chicks you both make me laugh, you both havein to type things twice? mind you ,could maybe do with that cos i write a load of rubbish , perhaps id be more sensible second go! ha ha Sorry you two have been the cemetery lately, my heart sinks when I think of you both there, feel guilty when im whingein on bout stuff, sorry chicks hope you dont get peed off with me, would hate to offend either of you ok? think you are both fab, dont think sometimes when im banging on bout careing for Mum. Karen hope you fed the kids ? and Teresa go for the job like Nurse Gladwys ok,? LoL, can see you both furthering your careers, getting trained up to RN s and further, go chicks go ...........Bring home that Bacon !! Mel and me can keep you updated on This Morning and Loose Women ha ha Baby Samuel sounds just gorgeous,So yummy scrummy ! Teresa can Michaela get us all a piccy? the kids are such wizzkids on the computer ? Mother Mellymoo, how are you? ,boy did my head hurt yesterday, serves me right ha ha, and sorry I was bossy telling mother moo to go to bed, honestly Im a lousy drinker ha ha. Any News over darryl? and the radiation? your quite right, who gives a stuff about upsetting secretarys? im exactly the same,let us know Mel if any joy, your chicks do worry..... lots Your bathroom sounds dead posh , - oooer no talkin to you now ! ha ha
Mums had chemo pump removed today and we are waiting for side effects, hope they dont come, she keeps catching dad and i looking at her, and cheeky thing pulls daft faces ha ha
Anyway Ive waffled enough rubbish now Loads of love, and big hugs to all three of you and others Love Kate xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
