Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
hi to anyone who is still awake, just to say i'm awake and here if anyone fancies a chat? hopefully though you are all tucked up in bed fast asleep! how i envy you all!! haha just wish i could switch off tonight but can't seem to. Drryl my husband is due t start radiotherapy soon on his chest as he has small cell lung cancer and also radiotherapy on his head and i have no idea what to expect for him or what happens or what side effects ther can be. so if anyone is about and can help then i appreciate it. take care my friends love hugs and easter eggs mel xxx
sorry i wasnt about last night for a chat, you sounded like you needed someone to talk to, hope your feeling bit better today honey, and again so sorry. i still not sleeping well but just lay in bed keep trying to sleep and getting really p'd off with myself for not being able to lol. i bet your worried about darryl having his treatments, its such a worry babe i know, you are doing a fantastic job as a carer yourself, and its worse as its for someone you love so much, i know as it was so hard with mum and dad. when does darryl have his chemo and radio mel? is it soon? i'm sure he will do well as he has you by his side!!
was auntie mel tiddly last night?? i was high as a kite on coffee lol. i bet teresa and family are all so excited about little samuel (or not so little) lol, i hope he will help them all loads with there grief.
training went well again today, lots to think about and remember though isnt there?
its a pity about you having to stop nurse training mel, that sounds awful for you having to have a brain op, i hope all is well with it all now hunni.
anyway mate hope your ok today, lots of love, hugs and tons of easter eggs (yummy!) lol your little chick karen xxxx
Hi my little chicken Karen, good to hear from you again, don't worry bout not being about last night people can't be online 24/7 can they. i'm ok so don't worry babe, just had a little blip thats all and i'm over it now. You know me i'm a tough old bird!!! Darryl has finished his chemo now, but it's waiting for the radiotherapy to start thats upsetting me a bit, as we have no idea when that is going to be. We're waiting for a letter from another onco as Darryls onco doesn't deal with radiotherapy. I just hate all this waiting, and keep thinking darryl has done so well i hope the delay in radio doesn't put him back.It's just so frustrating and worrying. I know you have alot to take in on your carers training but babe once you start it will become second nature after a couple of weeks and you will look back and wonder why you was so worried. Once you get out there it will all come naturally i promise. I'm so pleased you're enjoying it though, and i'm sure your do a brill job. Don't forget to let me know how it all goes though. Bet Teresa is enjoying time with her family and new addition and i feel quite proud being a surrogate auntie! Little Samuel will have more surrogate aunties then proper ones soon! haha I did get a bit tiddly last night well i had to wet the babies head, it's not everday you get to be a surrogate auntie is it? so hope you forgive me for that haha Well my little chicken i hope you have a nice day tomorrow and good luck with the further training. lots of love hugs and hugh easter eggs mother hen mel xxx
glad your feeling bit better today you sound it so thats good.
glad you wet the babes head, i did with a cuppa lol, arent i boring?
its only natural for you to be anxious and worried about darryls radiotherapy coming up, i hope they hurry up so he can have it done soon, its the waiting that drives you mad isnt it? i remember the waiting for tests, then waiting for results etc., its horrible.
i have another funeral to go to now on the 25th, our good friend passed away tuesday (sorry already mentioned in post yesterday i think!) yes finally i have gone mad lol, so not looking forward to that she such a lovely lady, and was so good to my mum when she was poorly.
not training tomorrow got an appoint at danny school so still have to be up early, what a pain lol.
anyway babe, have a good evening, speak soon, lots of love, hugs and many many easter eggs!!, little chick and new surrogate auntie karen xxx
Well I'm not on line for 48hrs and look what I've missed !
Teresa - a gorgeous big chubby healthy boy - hurrah !!, wowser !! what a weight and what a wait ha ha, Sure your dads had a say in it ?being a boy, sort the family of girlies out ha ha, hes watchin you lot, Big Hello and Welcome to Baby Samuel xxx Love from your surrogate auntie chick Kate, Loads of love and hugs to the whole family - yipee- Oooh Teresa I Is soo excited ha ha xxxxxxxxx
Karen sooo sorry you've had another loss in your life mate, how awful, bloody hell poor you, thinking of you, glad work is occupying your mind babe, our own Nurse Gladwys Emmanual ha ha now GET TO SLEEP returning that strength, love and hugs right back to ya (for a bit anyway ha ha) loads of love , keep updateing, Love Kate Chick xxxxxxxxx
Mother Hen Mellymoo Chicky Pie, Wished Id of been around last night, poor you- so worried, isnt the waiting game so awful? Please dont worry, my mum had radiation and it made her very very tired, skin a little sore but it was honestly nowhere near as tough as chemo, trust your little chick ok?, I think you should kick some ass to get it in motion though,cos I understand your worry bout the delay, You are so real Mel,- tough? I can see through your act, cos I do the same, wish I could give you a huge hug,xxx Good for you for wetting Samuels head, I now am having one for the baby, the road...... the drive......the gate ..........the pavement and so on hee hee
Well things around here are like this, Mum continues to do ok, but just ok, got the little pump of chemo attached to her since Tuesday like last time, until Saturday when its removed, 20% reduction, but the truth is we are all scared, Mum, dad and me, cos we know it was when the pump was removed she got soo poorly last time - anyway trying to be positive and brave Sorry Meant to be cheering you all up, Im goin now, Post Soon Loads of love, hugs, mini and huge eggs Chicken Kate xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi Kate, So nice to hear from you again. I'm glad your mum is continuing to be well and i hope when her chmo ends on saturday that she continues to do well. I won't say don't worry cos i know you will, but try to be prepared for her to go back in hosp then if she doesn't then thats a bonus. I think i told you i used to do that with darryl, so just that if he did have to go back into hospital it didn't feel so bad. I'm hoping we hear soon about his radio, as i keep thinking if they leave it too long will the tumour in his lung start growing back again. I spoke to the lung nurse sandra today, and she said she is going to chase the onco up as it's a different one to the one darryl has had so far. If we haven't heard by next week i am going to ask sandra for the onco's name then ring his secretary to find out what is going on.If they think i'm a pain in the butt then so be it, but my darryl's health is more important to me than some silly secretary getting annoyed! It's so exciting being a surrogate aunt isn't it? i recken baby Samuel is gonna have more surrogate aunts then proper ones soon! hahaha at least he will never be lonely with us all looking out for him. I think Teresa's dad sent a boy too to keep all them girlies in line!! I feel a little better about darryls radio but still worried how he is going to be with it, but then thats because he means the world to me and my soulmate and i hate seeing him in pain as i feel so helpless and useless and just want to take it away from him. He's my best buddy and i just can't think of the future without him, so i put it at the back of my mind and pretend it's never going to happen. I think i'm still in denial really that his cancer is terminal and that he will get better. Well enough of depressing you as thats not really fair on you as you have your own worries with your mum without mine so just ignore me sweet i'll be ok i'm a tough old bird really! hahaha Hope you have a few more drinks for me and hope you have a good day tom love big hugs and big easter eggs mother hen mel xxx
hi Karen, so nice to hear from you again. I'm glad you wet our surrogate babies head with a nice cuppa maybe i should have done that instead of getting tiddly! haha. I spoke to Sandra, darryls lung nurse today and she said she is going to chase the onco up about darryls radio. The onco who is doing darryls radio is a different one to the one he has had so far so iv'e decided, i'm going to ask Sandra next week, if we havent heard anything who the onco is and ask whats going on. I shall ring his secretary and ask how much longer darryl has to wait, as i'm so worried that any delay is going to cause his tumour to grow back again. I love darryl so much and really think the world of him and want everything done asap. I can't imagine my world without him so try to put that at the back of my mind. I know he's terminal but i think i'm still in denial as i keep thinking he's going to be with me forever. He's my best buddy and i truely will be lost without him so try not to think about that. I'm so sorry for the loss of your family friend and hope the funeral on the 25th isn't too difficult for you all, which i know is a really stupid thing to say, but i hope you know that i will be thinking of you.. Why do you have to go to Danny's school? He's not in trouble i hope! lol (sorry you don't have to answer that if it's personal) I hope it goes ok then. Good luck when you restart your training though and i'm so glad you are enjoying it. well i'm waffling as usual so will let you go now take care love and big hugs and easter eggs mother hen mel xxx
Dont ever worry about depressing me ok ? The thing is I was drawn to you and your thread cos I feel we are very alike, May I with your permission request you as a friend? Dont worry if not cos being mother hen to lots of people must be so time consuming, and I wont ever take offence ok ?I will still post on your thread cos im sooo laidback kiss kiss xxxxx
I so understand your pain with Darryls illness, poor you, hes your man, your sole mate, your everything, but be positive Mel he is beaten this so far amazeing us all and hes gonna continue doing this ok ? xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx But he is doing so well cos he has his soul mate right there caring for him, willing him on, pushing him over every obstacle I will always be here for you, its crap being a carer ,seeing the ones you love suffer, Loads and loads of love and hugs too K xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
My Dear Little Chicken Kate, you really are too kind to me. I sit on here and moan about life without darryl when people are so far worse off then me. I feel a bit guilty now for feeling sorry for myself so i hope you can accept my apologies? Of course you can request me as a fried and i promise to accept. You all have been so nice to me on this thread that sometimes i don't feel i deserve it as i'm not doing anything else anyone else wouldn't do for their husband /wife/ mother/father/sister/brother/aunt/uncle/nan/grandad or any other lover ones. You are so kind to me it makes me feel honoured to have support from you when in the beggining of this thread i thought no one would reply! just goes to show how wrong you can be eh? hope you manage to get some sleep tonight love hugs and easter eggs your mother hen mel xxxx
Hey Mother Hen Dont ever apologise ok ? you too are so supportive, you pick me up, i only hope I can do the same for you, Other people and I have replied to your thread cos you are soo real, Darryl is your hubs and hes doing well cos you are right there fighting and by his side and still have the compassion in you to help others , I adore my mum, but Darryl is your partner if you get my drift, I know what i mean, you are wonderful mellymoo,now get to bed wonderwoman, you and i have a mission in the morning, please go to bed, cos you will be worn out for our mission xxxx Loads of love and hugs Kate xxxxxxx talk tomorrow, go to bobeys xxxx
