Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
So pleased that Richard is feeling heaps better, makes you feel better too doesnt it? and moomy how is Caz doing and you and your family?? Michaela's chemo moods started really early but also think that having been in hospital for over 4weeks didnt help with the mood swings and frustration, told her she can rant and rave to me as much as she wants as, bless her, everytime she starts shouting, screaming and swearing within 10 minutes she's so apologetic cos she thinks she's upset me!! It does upset me but I dont show it as I cant imagine what her herself is feeling, think she was scared that this Mr C would turn into how my dad had it, she sat there staring at me saturday night and I asked her what was wrong (makes me cry to think about how she said what she did!!) she asked if she was likely to get other cancers in her body...bless her, reassured her not and her moods lightened so think it must have been something that had been preying her mind ever since her diagnosis.
As for not being able to see her is breaking my heart in more than 2 but she understands why as her health is too important though its soo sad and heart wrenching as been with her everyday since this b*****d journey began!! Think the lemsips are starting to kick in as feel really crappy today but hey its only a cold so not going to moan ha ha, already have done havnt I!? lol
Am going to spend a bit of time thinking about what to have for dinner tonight seeing as its on juls after the big pay rise, thanks juls, what do you fancy moomy? me's thinking 3-course and maybe a bottle of vino!!?
As I type the sky is blue ,but only a short while ago we had hail and rain and hail. I could use some sustained sun as well, bit of a sun worshipper is me, BUT not to a silly degree! good effort as skirting questions! Hows the garden doing? We have just had the neighbours cat come in for a visit, ours was not too impressed by the uninvited visitor, but bless him got terribly confused when I shouted 'OUT' to the neighbours cat, he hightailed it first!!!!!!!!!!
Teresa, a 3 course plus sounds good to me, too, lol
Michaela and you too are going through your own private hell on earth, it is so very hard seeing your baby doing this, and with hindsight and watching my girl, I understand her moods, know she must be thinking the worst while she's feeling so bad.....but you and she must talk together and just love each other like mad, she MUST beat this c**p disease! I stayed in Caz's room when she was in isolation, just reading and sewing, (doing embroidery that I haven't been able to face ever since) and she said it was one of the things that helped her through, just waking up and seeing relative normality beside her bed....love and loads of ((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))for you......
I must get changed and collect Nathan from school, I am wearing such a mismatch of clothes that even with no lights on a blind person would wince! Really can't turn up at school as I am right now - rag bag would be complimentary at present! My excuse is the PC doesn't care two hoots what I look like when typing! I probably won't now be back until very alte again, so have a good evening
We are plagued with neighbourhood cats which just will not go and leave our feathered friends alone! We got asked to doggy sit last night, will be a week in September, she's a rescue but very sweet, and has settled with us now she knows us, it will be fun helping out! She has a nuber of daft behaviour problems due to being out on the streets, she is about 2 they think, but a bit dippy so training is hard, but she adores our eldest whose dog she is.......maybe the scent of her will help prevent the cats?
Our cats were indoor cats before they came to us at the grand age of 7yrs. The blue Burmese caught his first bird on his first outing outside it was a large Magpie. He very carefully pinned it down and bit into it's tail feathers, the look of absolute disgust and distaste was clear as day. He then released the soggy and crumpled birds again none the worst for its encounter apart from being affronted by the indignation and crumpled appearance.
From that day on he NEVER bothered another bird again. The cats sleep stretched out sunning themselves in open and obvious places around the garden, allowing birds to land and do bird things within inches, neither of the cats doing any more than just opening one eye to ensure all is well before returning to sleep and more important issues. They don't even extend to lifting their heads!
However, the local rabbit and rodent population have been descimated by my hunters! My mother's dog never faired too well either!!!!!!!
Hey Helen, thanks matey, Im back from hossie, cant help feelin a fraud when its our kids or partners,you know? Thanks babe really appreciate your kindness,hope our talented Caz has had a good day, shes very lucky to have you as a mum,your one in a million yeah, heres me a stranger thinkin the world of you, your one Hell of a gall Hell xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
