Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
can't face yet another adminy type worky bits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Richard is doing OK, he has been let off the last 5 day's chemo as his body won't take any more punishment, so that is good from my perspective. The side effects were horrible but for me the worst was 'chemo moods', we have spent far too much time dealing with his moods (need to be careful of my wording as he has taken to reading my posts!!!!)
Last week was just not funny, you were spot on with the febrile neutropenic suggestion. Anyway that is behind us now.
How is Micheala and POOR YOU not being able to visit due to this infection, yet another blow due to Mr C!! I am sure you must be feeling torn into small pieces, understanding the need to stay away, BUT the desperate maternal need to be there with her.
It IS good to see him happy and relaxed again and looking forward to leading a relatively normal life again! Yeah OK ! Normal with me around hehehe!
now, helloooo everyone else.....Mother Hen Mel and all other chicks who happen to be about, and not practising their flying! hope you are all well , Mama Hen Mel, I really think you should get onto your PCT and give them a rocket and demand they find you a dentist who really is taking new people....
Juls, hiya, how are you, saw you had a brilliant pay rise, does that mean it's your treat for dinner tonight, lol?
Teresa, hope the cold isn't contributing to you feeling down? Michaela at least is in a great Hosp at UCH, hope they can sort her out to give her the next lot of chemo, bless her!
Karen, you poor sweet, facial pain like that is so hard to bear, hope the anti-b's work for you.....
Helly, hope you had a better night....
Anyone else, forgive me, age weakens memory!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So sorry honey, wish there was something I could do or say all I will say is that if our DB does go into the hospice she'll be free from pain as these places are fantastic and so caring (hope I not making you feel any worse) Im gonna shut up now silly cow as feel insensitive and prob not much help, sorry!!! Just remember you're always in my thoughts and heart!!
Lots of love to all of you Teresa XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
It's great to speak, anyway, aren't you at work, though? Glad richard is pottering, you'll need to restrict it a bit though , don't want him overdoing stuff like washing 4 cars, (that's all yours plus this one, here....lol)
Kate, sweetheart, you really shouldn't feel bad, Hospices are so very great at sorting meds out so that your lovely DB won't be in pain, and the standard of care is second to none, you and your Dad will be able to see her without the worry of her being so uncomfortable all the time....
Mama Hen Mel, you are great at helping everyone else, please please get your problems helped, it is no fun with toothache, been there so I know, love.....then you will be more able to cope with the stress of lessening the need for ciggies!
Aaaaahhhhh, Juls, was being a bit thick! sorry....my wings aren't very strong yet.......and my head isn't permanently stuck in the clouds, honest! love....
