Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
Seems I missed a good night, well Kate was tucked up in bed by 10.30 with nothin stronger in me than a hot chocolate, makes a change hey ?? ( theres a dirty joke in there somewhere hey)
Loved all your madness last night, Helly welcome to the best thread and cafe in town yeah? Big hugs to ya and your Keithy babe, you know mellymoos thread is here for laughter, smut ( rooster LOL) fun frivolity, nervous breakdowns, utter despair, whatever babes we accept it all, keep postin sweetie, they are all so amazing, you come on here however your feelin aint that right feathered friends? they are all so perspeptive, no holds barred here oks? keep on postin xxxxxxxxxxxxx Jules I quite like picled eggs, woman of fine taste and refinement lol
Now for my breakdown yeah, Hospital keep bangin on about her going to a hospice, none of us are avein it but have to admit Im a little scared, what if Dad and I cant cope? Im on a real downer today, she went in a sprightly woman knowing top 40, Westlife fav band ( forgive her rooster hee hee) Trendy, mobile, kickin arse basically Well shes comein out to die, cant walk, not 100% with it, Im bit scared friends So sorry if this all seems a little selfish, some of you are goin thru much much worse, but I cant see further than the end of my nose today, hope you forgive me that this is all me me and Db (poetry eh) Heads wrecked, I is better drunk, things blank out but dont want to become an alkhie Any advice buddys? Kate xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi Kate 123 I am taking a few mo's out from working, well actually using avaoidance tactics!
You are not being selfish it is very hard being on the sidelines just watching and waiting, there is nothing you can do to influence any outcome and this takes some effort as we by nature feel we should be able to DO someting to make things better. What you are facing is scary and frightening, you don't know what is in front of you apart from the awful inevitable. I really feel for you. You are not being selfish only dealing with this awful situation from the only perspective you can, that's yours. You can think of your DB and your Dad but you need to be in a good place to be able to help them and that can only be achieved once you have dealt with you and your feelings!!!
Please think about something I was told some time ago when I was caring for my mother just before she died. We were having a lot of problems from various soources and I just felt I could nolonger cope so we called social services to see what they could do to help us. A social worker came to the house, a lovely sensible and supportive person who understood why things were difficult. During our chat I had explained the various problems we were experiencing, so Kathy held up her hands showing her fingers and counted down each prob. of which there were many. She then turned her hands around so instead of seeing her palms and all ten fingers, I could only see her thumbs and the side image of her hand, again she recounted each of our probs and curled down a finger to represent each one. Saying as she did this how many fingers / problems can you see right now? Each time only 1 - For me this really made sense and has helped me now cope with all we are going through.
I don't know if my ramblings have helped at all, I do hope so. Do take care of you and then you will be able to help yours! Juls
Oh Chikky Jules Thankyou so much for that, yeah it all sunk in and made sense?? unusual for my one brain cell hey Appreciate you are now at work, sorry babes but bless you ey, Thanks sweetheart I appreciate you takin time out of your busy day to help me, and you really have Talk tonite hopefully, Thanks again babe, I just had a reality check Your mate Kate xxxxxxxxxxx tonnes of love and respect xxxxxxxxxx
Hi Kate you can pm me, if you remember you are one of my friends, so do use this if you need to talk. I am just doing boring admin so am grateful for the break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry you are feeling so down honey (I was feeling sorry for myself today as still got cold so cant see Michaela again but that's nothing to how you feeling!!!)
Are they on about sending our DB to a hospice indefinately or as a day patient, I only ask that because when there was talk of Dad going into one it was as a day patient and not for what we all thought!! He would go there and have dinner, meet others and have alternative therapies, reiki, head massage etc and he thoroughly enjoyed himself and didnt find it daunting in anyway at all. Can you have a word with the Mac or palliative care nurses?? they came to the house to see mum and dad as they're there not just for the patient but the carer and family too and they're so kind and supportive and it really helped alleviate mum and dad's fears, although they were both very strong people throughout all their journey, the way the palliative nurses spoke to them and acted really did make thinks better (if that makes sense!!) DB doesnt have to go into the hospice if she doesnt want to thats why you need to speak to the palliative care nurses, they will give you all the help you need and make things easier, besides you're a tough and strong chickie so I know you'll get through this sad time.
Here if you want a chat babe, look after yourself and sending all my love to you, your dad and DB (((((((hugs))))))) from me to you all Teresa XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Of cause I remember you are on pm sweetheart, Go the hospital around 2ish everyday, dusted myself down got my everythins gonna be alright face on, to see DB, thanks chick, down to you i got a grip
Be back later mate, dont work too hard hey,
Pickled eggs will be on me tonite down the caf, hee hee
Love to you and Richard, Mellymoo give Juls a bigger payrise zillion pounds per week and more stars yay Seriously cheers mate boy does this thread keep me sane well sane...ish lol Your Mate Kate xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
How are you today? and how is Richard doing? think it great that he wanting to go back to work for a few hours a day, will do him the world of good as think it give them a feeling of normality after the treatment finished, it did Dad. What does he do??
Mother Hen Mellymoo will 'ave yer guts fer gar'ers if you is too sane!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pleased to help, awful disease, horrible how it makes us feel, dreadful the anxiety, hideous the worry, apart from that not too much fun either!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! love juls
Hey Teresa Just seen your post, how lucky am I to be surrounded by such lovely careing people hey? We cant compare sadness babes, this is your likkle girl we are talking about, just want you to know how much I appreciate you all, each and everyone of you In answer to your questions babe they want DB to go to hospice indefinitley, this is the end yeah, ooer made myself cry now Wanted her to live till a ripe old age go in her sleep, you know? if only hey? not full of pain cancer-- sorry babe hope you feel better real quick babes, your a fabulous mum, daughter and friend
Be back tonite yeah?, have to dash now,she panicks if we are late Promise to perk up later, bless you all, my gorgeous friends, thankyou for letting me be me hey Kate xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
