Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
Sorry got thrown out of bed room so had to close down pc and go back down stairs to laptop again arrggghhhhhh
We are still living the life with horses. We had two at home until recently when we had to say goodbye to my daughters TB and now i just have my big lady at home all 17.1 hands of grey warmblood mare!!!!!!!!!!!!
My little tortoise chickie kimmy!!!, So good to hear from you sweetie! I was worried about you as hadn't heard from you for a few days, and i'm sorry that you have problems with your daughter at the moment. Kirsty my daughter who is now nearly 22 had a difficult time when she was 17-18. She moved out and moved in a squat with a load of drug addicts and also did drugs herself. Thankfully she didn't get involved with Heroin, or crack cocaine, but she used every other drug around. As you can imagine it was a very worrying time for me and darryl as we just couldn't do anything to get her to come home and get off the drugs, but babe in the end after a year which was one of the worst years of my life she came back home. She's now drug free and has been for nearly four years but it was a long hard ride for all of us. We have always been so very close so i could never understand why she left me and got in with the people she did but the main thing is that she's now over all that and i'm so proud that she has now turned into a wonderful young woman and it has made her a better person too i feel. I'm not saying your daughter is involved in anything like Kirsty was as i'm sure she probably isn't i just wanted to say that sometimes they have time away and seem to hate everyone and anyone but they come back babe as i'm sure your daughter will. She may seem that she hates you and Doug at the moment, Kirsty was also like that, but she said when she came home that she never hated us really just needed time to find out who she really was. A tough way to find out i know but your daughter will come back to you if she leaves i know she will, so please try not to worry too much(stupid thing to say i know) You can p/m any time if you want to chat privately about anything i will be here to listen. I feel i have had so many life experiences theres not a lot i don't know about!! lol Sorry if that sounded big headed it wasn't meant that way. I do hope that you feel better soon babe, but i have a bone to pick with you!! YOU HAVE NO NEED TO APOLOGISE TO ME!!! You have done nothing wrong sweet! I know people can't be here all the time and you have always made me feel cared for and loved so please please do not feel guilty or apologise to me as you have done nothing wrong at all, and of course you will always be my little tortoise chickie!!! You have that title forever now so you be proud and wear your tortoise chickie badge with pride. You are a wonderful caring supportive person, even when you have your own pain you are still there for us with a kind word or shoulder to lean on so you remember that you're very very special!!! Love an big big huggles mother hen mel xxx
Hi my little deputy Karen, so good to hear from you again! Hope you have had a good day? It's good to have to whole gang on here shame chickie teresa and helen and rooster mick not around we'd have a full house then!! lol love an hugs mother hen mel xxx
Dear chickie kate sorry ive not been around got problems with my daughter,caught up on message and im so worried about our precious db and will pray so hard tonight that your mom is given the strength that she so very much deserves to be albe to spend alot more time with you her very special daughter just as you are our very special kate and love so much,this is making me cry so have to go for a few mins, love to your dad and you,keep each other strong,your mom will fight as best she can and is obviousley so very very proud of you both of all the love and care you give her,im giving you all a BIG gentle hug right now
love you loads,right here for you take care,love to your mom and im holding your hand kate
love chickie tortoise kim sending (((((((((((((((((((((HUGE HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))) AND MY EARS IF YOU NEED THEM XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
hope you and darryl both ok today, been thinking about you hunni.
teresa said she text you, did she make you laugh about michaela eating her out of house and home, its great though isnt it, i said she will have to find loads more money to keep her in food....lol...
