Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
you sit and enjoy your tea babe, think we could all do with something stronger tonight eh? how lovely you had such a nice doc turn up to you both, and yes mel a few soothing words makes all the difference hun. try not to fret about tomorrows treatment as they will help with it now wont they hunni? its such a shame that these treatments have such horrible effects eh? it did say on the net that they usually get better with each one you have, so thats positive sweetie eh? i totally understand your panic and worry babe, as when mum was having chemo she reacted really badly to it, was violently sick for days and couldnt get out of bed and lots of other nasty side effects, and i was forever phoning for advice and help, and panic stricken like you were tonight, its only natural isnt it when you love someone so very much, i think its beautiful how you love darryl so dearly, you are wonderful, and a fantastic carer he must love you so very much!! while your sat next to darryl squeeze his hand lightly from me please, as least hes comfy on the chair babe , thats the main thing eh?
Karen and Juls, thank you for leaving the message to me from helen karen i will try to catch up with her tomorrow. If you hear from her before me can you tell her i said thank you so much she is also one of mellys angels!!! Such a lovely lady isn't she? Juls thank you also for the kind offer that was really nice of you and hopefully i won't have to take you up on your offer but it's nice to know that if it gets too bad then you can be here in 20 mins that really means alot and i thank you for that. So don't be surprised if i take your offer mind you may wish then you hadn't!! lol think this tea Daley made me has cheered me up! And of course my little mellys angels have too! You both always seem to be there when i need you!! think we must all be psychicly linked!!! lol I'm very sorry to confess though that i forgot to look at the moon at 10pm as so busy and worried about Darryl and i can't lie to you all as would feel so bad so i truly am sorry but will be back there tomorrow evening touch wood that Darryl is ok. much love and hugs mother hen mel xxx
OK Mel - so for tonight you forgot the moon, but surely the Sunshine of Darryls face is more important right now? So tomorrow you look out twice to make up for missing tonight or look out once from two windows!
karen, i have lightly squeezed Darryls hand and he woke up so i told him it was sent from you with love and he smiled and said thank you. He also said thank you all for being so supportive to me as it sets his mind at rest knowing you are all here for me! God i think i'm gonna cry!! See how sweet he is! even when he feels so awful still thinking of me!! Bless his heart i love him so much i ache inside when he is so ill, i just hope you are right that as each radio he has he will have less side effects. Thank you babe i really do love you!
mel what a lovely man he is, thinking of you still, how lovely, think im gonna cry now too!! i so hope its right that each treatment has less side effects too babe but please try not to panic about tomoz, you must try and take care of yourself too as your not feeling too great either my hun, i know its hard to when darryl so poorly tonight.
