Well here i am again at 4.30 in the morning and i can't sleep yet again!! My husband Darryl has terminal small cell cancer and, at the moment is going through a really good phase. Which, i would have thought, would set my mind at rest and enable me to sleep. But no, here i am again having had 2 hrs sleep tonight wide awake with mad thoughts running around my head!! This is driving me crazy and i just seem to be on auto pilot all the time. Darryl is 44 years old and we have been given a prognosis of a 2-3 year life span for him. I can't seem to let go of this thought, and maybe part of me can't sleep because of that, as i feel if i'm asleep i'm wasteing precious time!! Darryl is sound asleep and resting well, and if i stay upstairs next to him listening to his breathing, i keep thinking is this the last time i'll ever hear that and end up getting so uptight and worried that i find it better to just get up again. So i wander round the house do a few chores, have a hot caffiene free drink and will myself to sleep all to no avail i might add!! hahaha surely i'm not the only carer who never sleeps, or am i????? any comments gratefully recieved. Take care my friends and hope your all sleeping well. love and hugs mel xxx
oh thank god hes settled and the doc turned up quick, you sound so much better hunni, these side effects are nasty aint they babe? and hope tomoz they should help with the sickness etc., i was trawling the net like a frantic woman lol and it also said to let the radiologist know tom and they will give him injection for side effects. i bet you feel so much better now, just so sorry i couldnt of done more to help, you feel usless in these situations dont you?
Juls thank you so much babe and i'm so sorry that i worried you all. I just didn't know what to do so just panicked and rang the emergency dr on call. Darryl is asleep on the sofa now ive tried getting him to bed but he said he feels more comfort sitting on the sofa asleep, so i have left him but sitting next to him right now. I wish he would let me get him to bed but he's so stubborn!!!! That was a very scarey moment for me and waiting for the dr felt like hrs! I was pacing round the house not knowing what to do. I really hope this injection and painkillers work until tomorrow afternoon, cos i'd hate to see Darryl like that again. Scariest thing i have ever seen, and i'm usually calm in emergencies!!! Think it's because it was Darryl why i panicked so much but i am so sorry to have worried you all. Thank you all though my mellys angels forever!! Don't know what i would do without you all. Lets hope we have a quiet night and that Darryl at last gets some rest as he's exhausted now bless him
OK I know you are Mother Hen Mellymoo, But right now, Karen and I are in charge and firstly stop apologising, you have EVERY right to be scared when Darryl is taken bad like that. Secondly you need to allow yourself to feel scared and shaken (but not stirred), NOW g make that cuppa and take five!!!!!!!!! Don't you agree Karen??
You OK? now, to continue (hehehe) whilst I have the chance, of course you will pace and not think straight as he is your hubby your other half your life and we can't bear seeing our loved ones hurts. So we panic and worry and minutes seem like hours. Only natural, I been there and done that too. Darryl has also had a scare and probably needs to be near you as well, so leave him next to you for a while, until he has settled down. He probably was shaken and sacred just as much as you as well as embarrassed!!
What would i do without you eh??? I am feeling lots calmer now thank you and got lovely cuppa too! That was so scarey and i was just glad to see the dr he was so lovely and for that i am grateful. He did say about Darryl having another injection at the hospital tomorrow after radio for the sickness and some more anti sickness tablets to bring home and also pain killers too. He said we need to tell them he has reacted so badly to the radio as there is lots they can do for side effects and thaat there is no need for Darryl to be left in pain and have so much sickness. He really calmed me down and has made us both feel so much better already. It's surprising what a few soothing words can do isn't it? I'm hoping tomorrow won't be as bad for Darryl bless him as he was in so much pain and vomiting as well that must have felt awful for him. I'm so proud of him he's doing so well it's just a shame these treatments have such awful side effects isn't it? You end up getting ill for something that is making you better! Darryl has settled on the sofa now next to me i have tried getting him to bed as i feel he would rest better there but he won't go!! Stubborn man. He said he feels better sitting up sleeping at the moment so have left him to rest next to me. I will never be able to repay you for the kindness you have shown me tonight. You have been so good when i was so panicky, so thank you for that.I don't usually panic in emergencies but think it was because it was happening to Darryl it just scared the crap out of me and i knew he was so ill and couldn't do anything ! thank you again babe you and juls have been great and not forgetting helen too!! Night helen hope you sleep well and that you sweet for your support also you are all mellys angels and i love you all very very much love an hugs mother hen mel xxxx
Ricahrd totally overdid the work yesterday and has been exhausted today and as per usual when he is that tired and it's chemo week he gets 'all unnecessary', he's gone to bed in a stonker of a mood. hey ho only 9 more days, then he no longer has an excuse for bad moods and I can donk him if he gets too stroppy!!!!
