Hi. I'm Adam. I know that cancer and pre-cancer aren't the same thing but I couldn't find an online pre-cancer forum. I've tried to put this post in the place that I find most appropriate. If someone thinks it should go somewhere else then please tell me, or the moderators can move it. I can't go through the forum now to search for a similar post to this, so I can reply or post it there. I'm too upset right now.
I was seeing a therapist until recently, for about a year. I met her every week, and we became friends as well as a therapist/client, although we didn't meet socially because that would be unethical. This is someone who I saw for an hour every week, who matters to me, not someone like a builder who gets paid to fix my house. Then, a month ago, she said she had pre-cancer, and would have to stop having sessions with me, to look after her health. I didn't know before that that she was ill, and she had only found out recently. We've had our last session now. I can't contact her to see how she is doing, nor can she contact me. For ethical reasons I need to be completely cut off from her, so I'm dealing with grief over this person, who I relied on for support suddenly disappearing.
I'm an empathetic person, and I know pre-cancer can turn into cancer. Finding out more about this conditions has only made me feel worse. I'm scared for her. I think about it every day-will she develop cancer? Will she need to do chemo? Will she die? How does her family feel (She has children)? I keep thinking about how I would feel if my Mum told me tomorrow that she has pre-cancer. My friend might die. I can't contact her to ask how she's doing. It's taking so much maturity, courage and strength to not e-mail or text her, but I know it would be wrong to do so.
I'm not just scared for her, but angry. She is a nice person. She doesn't deserve this. Her family doesn't deserve this. How can God, or the universe, or whatever, do this to her? How can it put me through this grief as well? I don't understand how all of this could have happened so suddenly. It's bewildering. I'm frustrated because I can't reach out to her, to ask her how she's doing or how she feels. Not being able to do so seems unfair, despite the good reasons who we need to keep things professional now that my contract with her has ended. It feels wrong to force this lack of contact on me. I'm uncertain about the future. I keep thinking about how she would look if she was doing chemo. The mental image scares me. I feel like everything suddenly feel apart a month ago.
I want to know, in fact I'm desperate to know, if anyone else feels this way. Is there someone else who is dealing with someone they care about having pre-cancer (or cancer), who can't contact that person for some reason? I feel alone. I want to know that others have gone through this too, or are going through this.
