Hi everyone,
I am feeling completely lost and powerless in how best to support my partner and his mum and I suppose I just dont know what to expect.
My father in law has just been told he has stage 4 cancer - its basically everywhere including liver, bones and stomach. He survived throat cancer 4 years ago but this time he has been told its terminal.
Best case scenario is up to a year if he gets well enough to have a bit of chemo, worse case scenario weeks. He is so very ill, unable to eat really and just so tired. He has been given steroids, anti nausea, morphine and diazepam to see if that helps. The hope is his appetite increases so he is well enough to try chemo.
We live 4 hours away and my mother in law said she doesn't want us to go up yet as she'll need us soon. I just feel powerless and want to support but dont know the best way too. My husband is just so low (understandably) and feels in a kind of limbo of grief - not knowing what to expect.
My mother in law suffers from bad health too and has fairly significant mental health issues and when my fil was going through cancer treatment last time she said if he didn't survive she would kill herself so I am worried sick she is planning this when he passes.
To add to all this we just lost my mum in November so we are still grieving her. I just want to be able to help everyone but dont know how to. I also want to manage my own expectations as I can't help but have this 'maybe he will be ok' even though i realise its unlikely - its like until I get definitively told there's going to be no chemo etc I think there may still be more time.... or more treatment options.
I am sorry if this is all a bit rambled - thank you for any advice and I appreciate you reading this.
Sending best wishes to everyone
Hi Selene
Sorry to hear about everything you are going through and especially with having just lost your mum too.
Perhaps the key thing I learned was the importance of looking at my own emotions if I was to be any use to my wife - she has Leiomyosarcoma. Something I found quite helpful was your feelings when someone has cancer as being able to recognize these emotions and accept them as part of my new normal helped to make them less overwhelming.
There is quite a good blog post here on anticipatory grief that might be helpful too.
<<hugs>>
Steve
