My lovely wife has ovarian cancer

Hi Steven 

Welcome to our community, I hope you find it both informative and supportive.

My wife has Leiomyosarcoma of gynacological origin but she also had pyometra that resulted in an emergency hysterectomy so while the primary has gone she has lots of secondaries in her lungs. Fortunatly for us two rounds of chemotherapy seems to have rendered it stable so we get to live with cancer for now.

You are of course not selfish, just living in the really difficult world we all recognize on here. I wonder if any of the thoughts raised in Coping with anticipatory grief might be helpful.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Thanks. Living with anticipation of grief. Gosh, it's got a label. Much appreciated.

Hi Steven, I'm in the same position as yourself. My wife was diagnosed back in 2016 with ovarian and cervical cancer. She went through a hysterectomy and was given the all clear after 6 rounds of chemo. We thought that we were on the up and up until 2 years ago. With covid she wasn't being tested and was just by chance found that it had come back. She is now terminal and, after 42 years of marriage, facing a dark tunnel ahead of us. It's hard enough now, not looking forward to what's to come. 

I feel for you. We’re just starting the journey. I’m glad you had her for ten years. Right now I’d take that. The cancer seems to be outrunning the drugs at the moment. If things don’t improve I’m going to lose her soon. So much pain and swelling. Where do you live. I’m in lancashire?

I'm in Aberdeen. 

We're now waiting for another option, which looks like it will be immunotherapy. She was on Niraparib for a couple of years, which stabilised her but now has stopped working. She can't have anymore chemo as she's now platinum resistant, she built up antibodies to the chemo. I hope that you can find a treatment that can extend your wife's time with you. It's very hard thinking about what is to come, but don't let it define the time you have left together. 

I know it's no help to you two but the fact that your wife has survived so long has helped me. I have anticipatory grief about what is to come. I'm sure you've had the same. I'm a recently retired cancer surgeon and I know all too well the horrors of blocked urinary tract and bowels and the consequences of a belly full of tumour. I get nightmares even thinking about it.

If you will forgive me passing on something I've learned. When the end gets near don't fall for the "one last try at a new chemo drug". 40% of people who die of cancer have had chemo in the last 2 weeks of their lives. This is crazy. My Jane also worked at the cancer centre and she is determined to know when to stop and accept defeat. I hope when the time comes for both our much loved wives that they have a good death. At home, with lived ones and relatively pain free. I hope you and your wife get more quality time together before the end. For us at the other end of the journey it's different but we all know where that journey ends. Not a lot to look forward to is there. Best wishes. Steven