Selfish feelings

I dont think these are selfish feelings. They are totally normal feelings. I feel them every day and my husband is the patient. 

I’d try write all these feelings down. Then maybe make a list of all the things that might be useful. 

honestly, even just being there and checking in every day would be useful. Maybe lifts to the hospital and back, making food that she might like - though with chemo & surgery she might have tastes that change. 

you are actually a great friend for even worrying about this. Xx 

Thank you for your thoughts. Some really good suggestions there. I’m already taking her to some appointments and we talk multiple times every day anyway. I’m just worried that I may just burst out crying all the time. I just need to try and be strong for her. God this is awful.

how long has your husband been unwell?

it is awful and you know what, crying is an appropriate emotion sometimes. She may not want constant toxic positivity. 

my husband has had two surgeries, one in 2022 and then again when it came back in 2024. He’s been on immunotherapy for a year and I’m so tired from holding it together. He’s got a very positive outcome but now I find myself getting so cross when he’s sick again. That’s hard to hide!! 

Hi , I just wanted to say to I don’t think these are selfish feelings at all. It not only shows how much you love and care about her but what a great friend you are. When my mum was diagnosed with brain cancer it used to make me so so angry when people used to come over and see her and not always ask or acknowledge it, it felt like people just wanted the good and fluffy bits instead of asking questions that had more hard to digest answers. I don’t think this was their intention, they just wanted to remain positive for her. So what I’m getting at is , it’s okay to cry and it’s certainly okay to be angry because it’s an awful situation. Instead of quashing the emotion , let yourself feel them because that’s the process of grief we all feel after a loved one’s diagnosis. Maybe try writing those emotions that you don’t always want to share with her down in a journal so that you’ve “vocalised “ them. By doing all the stuff you’re doing for her, giving her lifts to her appointments and checking in shows her that you see her , you’re here for her and you’re riding it out together. You’re doing a good job, please give yourself some grace. 
Sending hugs xx