My Daughters breast cancer

Hi JAG4bb14d 

Sorry to hear about your daughter, it is really hard being a parent when our children are ill and even more so when we are further away.

Worrying about saying the wrong thing is something really common and sometimes causes people to keep away or say noting and that is often worse.. Perhaps the best thing sometimes often lead on is listening and that can be hard when things go quiet. Something I fout quite helpful is looking at Your feelings when someone has cancer as being able to recognize these emotons and accept them as part of the new normal 

<<hugs>>

Steve

Thank you Steve

I'm so sorry you're going through this and know exactly how you feel. My daughter is now 47 and her similar diagnosis was 2.5 years ago. She's single and has a very strong network of colleagues and friends but I was her main support. Luckily, I'm retired and live only half an hour from her.

In total, she had 22 chemo cycles, 3 surgeries and 15 sessions of radiotherapy. We cried together a lot at first but treatment does somehow become a 'new normal'. We had a routine of me being with her for the first few days after each chemo, when she always felt worst. In the week when she felt more 'normal', we always tried to do something nice together, even if it was just a walk in the park with coffee and cake at a tea shop.

We laughed often and talked about anything and everything - I knew she didn't want her whole life to be about cancer. We also had some very serious discussions which I found incredibly hard, but I knew I had to ler her talk and listen while she told me what she would want to happen if treatment didn’t go well.

I realise these options aren't all open to you, living so far away. But talk regularly, don't worry about occasionally crying together and take your cues from your daughter. On the days when she doesn't want to talk about cancer, then don't mention it. When she does - let her talk. Having someone to listen and validate her feelings is really important.

You will get through this. Sending love, strength and a hug. x

Thank you Cherry2 your message was very helpful.

I am heading to the UK on the 13th of November & intend to spend as much time as I can doing exactly as you suggested. I do have other Family I must visit but majority of the two weeks I intend staying with her.

its very difficult because it doesn’t matter if they are 3 or 43 they are always your babies.

I know it will be emotional, but have a good time with yout daughter.  Special times to cherish - as you say, they will always be your baby. Sending love to you both. xxx