Hey all, apologies if this all comes across a bit confusing.
Me (45M) and my Mums (65) relationship has been fraught recently, I suffer from Autism and ADHD, but she doesn’t believe in either of them, so I’ve completely hidden my ADHD diagnosis from Mum and been really quiet about my Autism.
I live in the north west and she is on the east coast, she’s been saying she’s ill for a while but also saying she doesn’t want to upset me, I knew something was wrong, but wasn’t expecting this. Her partner called me on Tuesday and I was essentially told it doesn’t look good, you need to come home. After a 5 hour rush journey I got to the hospital and the person in the hospital bed didn’t look like my Mum, she’s always been tiny, but she looked frail, had no colour in her and for the first time looked like an old woman.
Over the next 24 hours, her appearance got better, but we’ve been hit with the bombshell that she has a significantly large tumour on her right lung, along with lesions on her liver and kidney, and a tiny cost on her ovaries. We’re all petrified, and it’s not helped by the fact that 3 years ago, we lost her brother-in-law to something similar (sorry, I can’t bring myself to use the c-word yet), and next month is going to be 3 years since she lost her sister to the same thing. We’re awaiting an enhanced lung scan before they discharge her, and then it’s awaiting a biopsy.
I’m scared. This is my Mum, this is the woman I ran to when I was bullied at school, when me and my ex broke up, she gave me a roof over my head and financially supported me to move into a place of my own, she’s the one who was always there, no matter how much we’d been arguing, if I needed picking up, she knew how and I’m just not ready for this, I don’t feel strong enough for it, and it’s not helping that my partner and 2 dogs are 200 miles away when all I want to do is give them a cuddle and have them tell me I’ll be alright.
Please can someone reassure me that these feelings are normal, and if anyone has any tips or advice I’d be grateful.
