I have found out that my adult son who lives at home has/had cancer. I believe he may have had chemo but he won’t tell me anything. I’m trying to support him but have asked for proof of his cancer which he is refusing and has said he would rather move out.
I’m so worried about him and don’t know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.
just to add, I’ve asked for proof as he has a tendency to lie to me. I love my son and just want to support him.
Hi Loves to shop
I am sorry to hear that you have found out that your son has had cancer and that you are having some concerns around this.
When I had my cancer to begin with I did not want to talk about it to those closest as I did not want to worry them. There was also a feeling of wanting to have some sort of control about who I told and when. Cancer can make everything feel a bit out of control. There was also the privacy aspect and also I needed time to process the diagnosis myself. Could it be that your son is struggling to come to terms with it all? Sometimes telling others can feel scary and can make it all seem real. When its just you who knows- then you can sort of pretend for a time that it isn't real.
I understand that you want to support your son and that this is a difficult situation and I am unsure of how you found out about his cancer.
Having been through cancer treatment, surgery, chemo and radiotherapy- it would have been very difficult to hide this from people around me. Not everyone would have the same treatments but my chemo involved lots of hospital appointments, blood tests and day long infusions. These happened every 3 weeks. I also had review appointments. I was also unable to go to work during this time. For people around me it was obvious that I was really unwell by the way I looked and acted. There were days where I was unable to get out of bed.
During chemo I also had a lot of different medications to bring home and had to take them regularly- most also had side effects that would be noticeable to those who knew me. It is possible for some people with certain cancers to have tablet chemo but it would still likely have side effects.
I understand why you have asked for proof but I would have personally been upset if someone had asked this of me. On top of a cancer diagnosis, this would have felt too much pressure.
He may well have had a type of cancer that was not particularly visible to those around him.
Cancer can affect us all differently and he may well be struggling to cope. Sometimes it can be hardest to share with those closest to us. My feeling would be to offer him support by tell him that he can contact Macmillan in confidence and that he can get support this way. And to reassure him that you are there and that when he is ready and if he wants to talk, you will listen.
You could give him this link.
Emotional, financial and physical help for people with cancer | Macmillan Cancer Support
I understand that this is a tough situation to be in for you and the Support Line is there if you want to talk it through.
Jane
