Hi,
I only joined this group now, 7 months after my father's diagnosis of leukaemia. His treatment hasn't been going as well as originally hoped- we're waiting on another biopsy results at the end of this week. He's only 53 and he's the best person I know. Finding out was such a shock, and its impacted our family in different ways. My mother has been out absolute rock throughout this, but I never want to over burden her with my stresses.
I live a 3 hour train (and very expensive) journey away from home, and am currently trying to finish my university course, alongside holding a part time job and other uni-related responsibilities, which adds barriers to being able to go home and be with family. The uni have been excellent with me and have been providing me counselling and time when needed, but that doesn't take away the impeding deadlines in a couple months that will determine the last 3 years of my life and my education. I have a whole life away from home, where my dad is getting treatment, and I just have a never ending feeling of guilt about the fact I am not there to help my family.
Being 22, there's not any of my friends who have gone through this situation. Everyone is incredibly helpful and gives me space to discuss when I need to, but I just don't feel like they truly understand how I feel. I don't even understand it. They all seem to be moving forward in their lives and looking up to the future, but my future is currently at a standstill. I feel like I'm stuck in quicksand and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do to help.
I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to cope in this situation. I endlessly feel selfish for continuing my degree whilst this turmoil is happening in my family and back home, and I realised at the end of last year that avoiding going home is not the compartmentalisation I thought it was.
I just want to try and be there for them, I just don't know how.
Hi lucy22
Welcome to our community, I hope you find it informative and supportive.
I bet that both of your parents are so proud of you at university and would prefer you to follow through on that as your priority for now. I am also sure they know how much you care about them and are doing what you can - even a simple message from you will show how you are thinking of them.
Hopefully your parents have the support they need in place, their local council can do a needs assessment for you dad and a carers assessment for your mum to help identify things that should help support them.
I glad you have found some support in the university, they can be very good and of course on here too we have people at all sorts of stages. One thing I found really helpful to me was a living with less stress course I did and I find the pages in your feelings when someone has cancer quite helpful as being able to identify the emotions and accept them as normal can help make them feel less overwhelming.
<<hugs>>
Steve
