I'm finding it hard to support a friend who has had several tests and should soon get all the results and a treatment plan.
My friend comes up each day with yet another ridiculous possibility to explain their symptoms. I think this is probably to deny facts. My friend created what almost amounted to conspiracy theories to explain their discomfort over the past couple of years.
Does denial and fear lead to some people lashing out and misunderstanding the GO and friends? Would this behaviour be ended with a diagnosis?
The friend means a lot to me but I'm feeling tired coping do with their theories. They don't seem to trust the professionals.
A diagnosis of cancer would go against what my friend thinks is wrong with them.
Like the Red warning storm many of us experienced recently, this feels like a psychological storm.
I hope hospital staff understand my friend's mental state and help her through. I don't think I can do anything.
I discovered my friend's appointment for diagnosis and treatment plan is today.
I don't know if to say anything today. I don't think I'm wanted. I can't help, though I've been told every other appointment and time and have sent little "thinking of you" emails.
Feeling pretty down. Goodness knows how my friend feels. 
Hi Diota
I can understand you wanting to support your friend, but maybe today she just wants to go to the appointment on her own? I know I did, so didn’t even have my partner come in with me.
I would personally wait today and see if she contacts you after the appointment. If she has a cancer diagnosis, and a treatment plan is discussed, she may need time to process this herself and that’s understandable.
You mentioned conspiracy theories, and ridiculous possibilities given by your friend to explain symptoms-have you challenged her on these thoughts? If so, maybe she has taken offence-it’s hard to know.
If she wants you to know, then she may tell you, but I would in your shoes take a little step back. I didn’t want everyone knowing my business, and still don’t, so I’m looking at this from your friend’s point of view here.
I’ve had friends diagnosed with cancer and never pushed them for any information-I have just let them know that I’m there for them should they wish to talk about it. Maybe in a day or so you could message her if you haven’t heard anything and ask her how she is, but try not to ask intrusive questions? It’s a scary time going through tests and a possible cancer diagnosis, but she may be prepared to share more once she knows what’s happening for her.
Sarah xx
SarahH21
I've just read your amazing cancer journey. Obviously you suffered hugely over the time and yet you are now doing well.
I've not come across such a positive outcome after so much cancer. Honoured to h
ave met you.
Oh, this must be so hard for you after such a long friendship. My longest friendship has lasted 56 years so far and I know I would be devastated to lose her from my life for any reason.
She had some tests a couple of years ago-a scan and biopsy for possible womb cancer- but didn’t tell me. I felt so sad, but she hadn’t wanted to worry me until she knew her results were clear. I wished she had shared it with me at the time but she felt I was dealing with enough. Like you, I just wanted to help in any way I could-just a shoulder to cry on, somewhere she could vent her worries.
I really hope your friendship is not lost-try not to take it to heart that her responses to your messages have not always been the best you could have received-our responses to others are not always as kind as they should be when we are consumed by thoughts of a potential cancer diagnosis. I know I am very guilty of that!
I actually did get rid of a friend who was very nosy when I was first diagnosed(and when I had hardly told anyone) because suddenly she was the cancer expert and telling me survival stats from Google! Later, after I had been through surgery I heard nothing from her. After 4 months I made contact and said how disappointed I was in someone I considered a good friend, and explained I wouldn’t be having any more contact with her. That was more than 4 years ago now and although she has messaged me, I’ve never responded. I wasn’t nasty, but felt she’d had all the information she needed from me just because she had a need to find things out, not because she actually truly cared. I was so disappointed.
Maybe that sounds unkind of me, but I’ve not regretted it, and I’m not suggesting you will lose your friendship, but you have done what you can for now, so let her come to you in her own time if you can-just give it a couple of days although I know you want to help her now. Just keep being kind, bite your tongue and accept how she is right now.
Sarah xx
