Dad now under palliative care

Hello Fraggle85 

I am Brian, one of the Community Champions here at Macmillan. I have just noticed you post has gone unanswered, so by me replying it will be "bumped up" to the top of the group and I hope seen and replied to by other Community members.

I can fully understand your dilemma and yes we all want the best treatment for our loved ones. Having read your post a couple of times and understanding the difficulty in the distances I would have thought the "care home". option to be best all round for dad.

Why not chat the situation over with the lovely folk on our Support Line on 0808 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days a week). They are there for all the family, not just dad.

I do hope you get sorted out. If I can do anything else for you please do let me know.

Best wishes - Brian.

Hi Fraggle 85, please don't feel guilty for thinking about the care home option.. I so sorry your dad is suffering like this, and for what you're going through.

My sister and I both lived in different parts of the country, both nearly 100 miles from dad. He had prostate cancer and leukemia and developed Alzheimer's. We managed for two years with carers four times a day and each of us going down to stay on alternate weekends. I was still teaching full time then and it was a nightmare. I regularly had messages on my phone from carers saying they'd found him on the floor when they arrived in the morning.  Eventually, we had to source a care home. We found a lovely one near my sister (I'm in London where prices were much higher). Dad was in the home for three and a half years. He was as content as it was possible for him to be and received wonderful care until the end . We didn't want him to go into hospital and staff at the home were happy to take on end of life care - it was all carried out with respect, love and great dignity. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted as soon as dad was settled there. It was so nice to just visit as his daughter and not have to think I should clean everywhere and tackle the laundry mountain, not to mention paying bills and doing all the household admin he could no longer do.

Please don't feel guilty, a care home just may be the right option for your dad. Sending strength and a hug. ((( )))

Hello Cherry2 

What a great post - I am so sorry to read of your dad's situation but your post is very thoughtful and it so kind of you to take the time to write and post.

Thank you and Best wishes - Brian.

After a week of very rapid decline my lovely dad passed away in the early hours of Saturday morning. He went to sleep with no fuss as was very much his way, not wanting to be a nuisance to anybody. The speed at which this has happened has left us all slightly in a state of shock, however I know with time we'll take comfort that he didn't suffer for too long️

Hello Fraggle85 

I am so, so sorry to read your post and send you my sincere condolences. If there is anything I or Macmillan can do for you at this sad time please feel free to reach out.

Kind Regards - Brian 

I'm so very sorry to read your post, Fraggle, but glad the end was peaceful for your lovely dad. Sending love and strength. God bless x

Just before Christmas we got the news I was dreading, my dad also has terminal bladder cancer and they won’t / can’t tell us how long he has as they can’t get to the tumour to see if it has already spread. He has many mobility issues which has prevented a proper ‘get at’ look. It’s just awful to see him already half the man he was and already picking up infections so my mind goes into overdrive as to how quick I will lose him. 
I am so sorry to hear of his passing but it seems it was on his terms which much give you some comfort in this terrible time.