Really struggling

Hi Sas69, I am so sorry to hear what your daughter and you are going through, I've been through something similar with my eldest daughter, and know what an awful place you find yourself in, I wish I could help with your daughters diagnosis, but my daughters cancers were different. But not the emotions, and I know how difficult things are, but please don't give up hope, clinical trials often take some time to work, and your daughters team wouldn't suggest them if they didn't think there was a chance they would work.

My daughter is nearly through treatment for the second time in 12 years, we have been told both times she wouldn't survive, but she's proved them wrong, and maybe yours will too.

Sadly I found when things got difficult, my other daughters rose to the challenge, but  my son didn't, Sas69, I hope your looking after yourself, I know how easy it is to get consumed looking after a loved one, but if your neglecting your own health it will impact your quality of care, just a hour a day for yourself, doing something you enjoy to relax and re-boot will benefit you and your daughter, my best wishes to you both, take care 

Eddie xx 

Oh Sas69, I'm so sorry you're in this position.  I know something of how you're feeling, my daughter was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive breast cancer 20 months ago. Chemo was followed by 3 surgeries, radiotherapy and we're now nearing the end of another year of chemo. Side effects are brutal. It has affected her heart (one of her ops was a heart surgery) and eyesight. She's so exhausted all the time. And as you come towards the end of treatment, you can feel the panic rising - has it gone and will it come back? As much as I want her to finish chemo, it does feel like a security blanket is being taken away.

I spend a great deal of time with her - going to oncology and chemo and generally 'caring' and feel constantly guilty that I'm not giving enough time to my husband (who is post stroke and disabled) or to my son, daughter-in-law and their four children - although none of them ever complain.

Sometimes I think I'm coping better than I was a year ago ... other days I just want to shut myself away and cry . It's that feeling of helplessness...as mums, we want to protect our children and prevent anything from ever hurting them. But with this horrible disease, we just can't. That's heart breaking and so very hard to deal with.

Sending very best wishes to your daughter for the clinical trial.  Sending you love, strength and the biggest hug. x

Thank you Eddie I take comfort in your reply. I do try to look after myself as I'm disabled so need all my energy for my daughter&her little family. Must admit my hubby is amazing & never complains so that's a good thing. Thanks again. 

Thanks Cherry2  it has made me feel brighter reading your reply & I must  remember my daughter is stubborn lol she won't let this beat her but it is hard, like you say, as a mu. We want to protect & I agree re: chemo being a security blanket

Thanks again for your kindness 

Your welcome, and great to hear what a wonderful partner you have, and I understand how poor health, limits your ability to do everything to help you want to, and you neglect yourself, something I am guilty of too, and I also know being the carer for a loved one, Is harder than being the one being cared for, but I will fight my terminal diagnosis for as long as I can to support my eldest daughter and my 3 other kids. Eddie xx