Hi there,
My dad’s oesophagus cancer spread to his bones and became stage 4 incurable this summer. We’ve had two unsuccessful rounds of chemo and are on a third now hoping it works before we have early scans again.
I can tell that this is really painful for him now. He’s in so much pain all the time and barely ever feels ok anymore. He’s always down and it’s so sad to see. I worry that the chemo just isn’t working anymore and is causing more harm than good, but I also don’t want him to feel like he’s giving up or that we are giving up on him. The scans will tell us either way if we need to stop and start something new, but I just hate that he has to do another two chemo sessions when it makes him so unwell and miserable. I don’t know what to say to him anymore as he just seems so depressed all the time. It’s so hard feeling like we’ve lost him before he’s even gone, and my family is unraveling slowly by the day.
At what point do you know when the treatment isn’t working? I suppose we just have to be guided by the next scans and whatever he wants to do. Any advice or experience in how to support my dad is greatly appreciated.
Hi IP20
Sorry to hear about your dad, that feeling of having lost our loved one is very common as we have noted in the blog here.
One of the things some people say is about listening closely to the oncologist, if they recommend a treatment then it might suggest they think it will help. If however they just offer a treatment it might be that part of that is the feeling of trying to do something. You are very right of course that the ultimate decision maker is your dad.
What I know I had to learn some was how to look after me if i was going to be much use to my wife. I ended up doing a living with less stress course that really helped me. Trying not to look too far ahead was a key element but the conscious breathing exercises were helpful both in dealing with whatever came our way but also in helping me relax.
<<hugs>>
Steve
