Hello
My husband has recently been diagnosed with rectal cancer, it's all happened extremely quickly, from start to the first operation was a matter of a month! Unfortunately we got the news this week that the margins weren't enough when they removed the tumour, so he needs another operation in two weeks so they can assess what to do next.
My husband has a very black and white attitude, so much so, that even the consultant was taken back by how he took the news.
When he was first told it was cancer he apologised to me, which was silly as it wasn't his fault and I said that. I explained that I was there for him no matter what.
Obviously when you hear that word your mind thinks of the worse case scenario, but his cancer has been caught early, it hasn't spread and no lymph nodes are involved, which is positive.
He isn't talking to me about it, I know he's protecting me, but it's making it hard.
I lost my mum to cancer when she was 63, she had it for 9 months and it wasn't a nice cancer to experience either, I know none of them are, but this once was horrific, I don't think I've ever truly dealt with what happened as I had to be strong for everyone else.
My way of coping is to go into "mum" mode, I need to be strong for the kids, even though they're 27 and 30, I still feel protective towards them.
How do you cope when you want to cry, scream, shout?
Hi SharonC66
Welcome to our community though sorry to hear about your husband. You might be surprised at how common your experience is of the patient seemingly taking things in their stride while the loved one breaks up. I know how I seemed to cope for ages until I didn't but when I finally reached out I found so many people wanting to help.
I found some of the advice in your feelings when someone has cancer quite helpful, being able to recognize the emotions and accept them as valid can help to make them less overwhelming. I did a living with less stress course that helped me to appreciate what we have now rather than worrying about a future I had no control over. The conscious breathing exercises were great for when we get the next bit of news but also for helping me to relax.
<<hugs>>
Steve
Hi Sharon, My husband was diagnosed in May… he been through some chemo and is heading for life changing surgery on Monday. My husband is exactly like yours … trying to protect me as he doesn’t want to hurt me. I got an apology too. I am just trying to keep busy … take each day as it comes. Big hugs 
Stay strong x
Hi SharonC66
The course I did was organized by Maggies though there are a number of others available.
If you felt it might be helpful you could also talk to cruse or the loss foundation about how your mothers cancer might be having an impact on you.
<<hugs>>
Steve
