Just found out my dad is dying

Hi babydoll1978 

Welcome to our community though sorry to hear about your dad and the prognosis he has been given. I am sure your dad found it difficult to tell you this but it does show how much he cares that he did.

I find a lot of the advice in your feelings when someone has cancer really quite helpful in helping me recognize the emotions and accept them as valid it can help to make them a little bit less overwhelming. 

<<hugs>>

Steve

Dear Babydoll78,

I am so sorry you are in this position.

My lovely Dad died last week and I felt like you when we got the news he wasn't going to get better.

My Dad was treated for lung cancer in May, and things were looking good. Then he got a chest infection that turned out to be fungal pneumonia. He was in hospital for the last 6 weeks and on Monday a lovely doctor told us he only had days left. Your Dad sounds like mine, he was strong, helped everyone, was so highly thought of by everyone who knew him, we never thought he'd go this way.

We were devastated. The things that helped us were asking the doctors straight (hard) questions and getting straight answers (my dad was worried about suffering) . The nurses were able to give him morphine on his last day, he wasn't aware of anything. One particular nurse was amazing, treating him with such respect and care. 

The other thing that helped was that we were able to stay with him. My wonderful Mum, my sister, brother and me stayed in his room overnight. Its not for everyone, it was bloody hard not knowing how long we'd be there and I began to wonder if we were doing the right thing, especially at 2am when youre wandering the hospital looking for a hot choc and running on practically no sleep and I could see the toll it was taking on my Mum.  I'd make sure it feels right and it might not be right for everyone, but my mum wouldn't leave him and we promised we'd stay with him. I'm glad we were there.

Those 2 days let us share memories, smile, talk with him and we all said how much we all loved each other. Its helped that we had time to do all that even when tears were streaming down our faces.

I don't know how we'll be going forward but for the stage you're at, it really is about doing what feels right for you, your Dad and close family, even if you're sad. Tell him how much he means to you, hold his hands, listen to him, remember stories and try to focus on how lucky you are to have had him/each other.

I am sending you so much love to get through this xxx

Thank you.  

Thank you.  I would love to tell him I love him. I don't think I'll get the chance. I have a older sister and a younger brother... im the middle child, and the least liked by my mother. We made arrangements (this past Tuesday) for me and my family to visit yesterday (Saturday) as we were leaving my mother called and told us not to come because there were to many people there already (my sister and her family and my brother and his wife) I even asked if I could pop in alone just to drop off  my daughters mobility scooter and wheel chair she asked to borrow. I said I wouldn't stay just drop and go, I was told no don't come. My husband even placed a special order for him for some danishes that are his favorite.  I know he's not eating but he wanted to get then for him just incase he was able to have a little. They are now sitting on my counter going stale because I won't eat them...they are for my dad. I was able to visit him Tuesday (the day I asked if I could come again Saturday) and I brought him a homemade knit blanket I spent all night Monday making. If he goes before I get a chance to see him again and before his grandkids get a chance to see him 1 last time I will never forgive my family. 

I am so sorry things are so difficult xxx