Dad appendix/colon cancer

ECH19 1 month ago

3 replies
21 subscribers
259 views

Hi everyone,

My dad was diagnosed with cancer originating in his appendix which has spread to his colon and lungs. I found out Oct last year and found out he was terminal (2 years) Jan 2024. I’m a scientist by trade so he won’t tell me the name of his cancer as he said I can’t unsee what I would read and he’s trying to protect me (I’m 27yo so old enough!). I don’t live with my dad (and haven’t for years) and see him as much as I can. It’s only me (no siblings) and I am not particularly close with my step mum.

I was just wondering how people get through every day with a parent diagnosis? Some days I’m fine and life feels ok and others I remember his prognosis and feel like there’s a countdown over his head? I’ve had counselling and was put on antidepressants earlier this year to help deal with it. I don’t want him to know how I struggle, he’s asked us to treat him the same and with no sympathy, and his out look on it all is absolutely fantastic. I’m in awe of how he views his prognosis but I’m heart broken to be losing him. I enjoy every moment I’m with him but it’s the aftermath. He’s lost a lot of weight recently and I didn’t recognise him the last time I saw him. This post is really jumbled but I just wanted to see if anyone’s in the same boat with a parent diagnosis? Any advice? Or just to know there’s other people out there who get it.

thanks for reading my jumbled rant, I haven’t reached out since I found out and felt like it was time to connect with a community

src60 1 month ago

Hi ECH19

A warm welcome to our community I hope you find it useful. I lost my parents back in 2013 though not to cancer but they did find mum had lung cancer at the postmortem but mostly I am here because by wife has cancer, fortunately hers has been stable now for over 10 years.

In my wife's case she never wanted a prognosis and I really struggled with that but over the years have some to see them as at best a educated guess but that is also something we cannot unhear.

I find the information in your feelings when someone has cancer quite helpful, recognizing the emotions and accepting them as valid seems to take away some of their power.

<<hugs>>

Steve

ECH19 1 month ago in reply to src60

Hi Steve,

Thank you so much for replying, I’m sorry to hear about your wife but I’m glad to hear she is stable. I will definitely check that out as it’s definitely the emotions I struggle with. I keep trying to remind myself that the prognosis is an estimate not a definite, but like you said it’s hard to forget, plus watching his decline has almost backed it up in a way?

thank you again for reaching out,

Emily

CGxo 3 hours ago

Hey, sorry to hear this. I know this is a horrible thing to be going through.

I have lost my Dad recently through other illnesses, so I only have my mum.My mum has what sounds like a very similar cancer, they noticed her appendix/ovary first and colon next. She had been very sick for over a year, then they discovered my mum had cancer in a lot of her organs, small bowel primarily. My mum is now undergoing chemo but not with the intention that she will be cured.

I have lost my Dad recently through other illnesses, so I only have my mum.

I have been making it a priority to do things with my mum that she loves and that I love so that we spend valuable time together and make core memories while we have her with us. It's been beautiful to see people come out of the woodwork to show love and care for her. Focus on treasuring things like that!

Don't get me wrong, I get so freaking mad when I think about the medical negligence that led us here and the hopelessness that comes with dealing with the consequences of that, but mum is here now and that needs to be the focus. What's done is done.

It helps that my mum is a tough cookie and she has faith that is carrying her through!

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