Dad appendix/colon cancer

Hi ECH19 

A warm welcome to our community I hope you find it useful. I lost my parents back in 2013 though not to cancer but they did find mum had lung cancer at the postmortem but mostly I am here because by wife has cancer, fortunately hers has been stable now for over 10 years.

In my wife's case she never wanted a prognosis and I really struggled with that but over the years have some to see them as at best a educated guess but that is also something we cannot unhear.

I find the information in your feelings when someone has cancer quite helpful, recognizing the emotions and accepting them as valid seems to take away some of their power. 

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Steve, 

Thank you so much for replying, I’m sorry to hear about your wife but I’m glad to hear she is stable. I will definitely check that out as it’s definitely the emotions I struggle with. I keep trying to remind myself that the prognosis is an estimate not a definite, but like you said it’s hard to forget, plus watching his decline has almost backed it up in a way? 

thank you again for reaching out, 

Emily

Hey, sorry to hear this. I know this is a horrible thing to be going through.

I have lost my Dad recently through other illnesses, so I only have my mum.My mum has what sounds like a very similar cancer, they noticed her appendix/ovary first and colon next. She had been very sick for over a year, then they discovered my mum had cancer in a lot of her organs, small bowel primarily. My mum is now undergoing chemo but not with the intention that she will be cured. 

I have lost my Dad recently through other illnesses, so I only have my mum.

I have been making it a priority to do things with my mum that she loves and that I love so that we spend valuable time together and make core memories while we have her with us. It's been beautiful to see people come out of the woodwork to show love and care for her. Focus on treasuring things like that! 

Don't get me wrong, I get so freaking mad when I think about the medical negligence that led us here and the hopelessness that comes with dealing with the consequences of that, but mum is here now and that needs to be the focus. What's done is done.

It helps that my mum is a tough cookie and she has faith that is carrying her through!

Hi there, 

I am so sorry to read about losing your dad and now your mums diagnosis. Since posting this I have done exactly as you have and prioritised spending the most amount of time with him as I can. He's not massively active anymore but even if its just visiting him and having a chat. 

I think the anger is the hardest to deal with, my dad was the same with medical negligence, he found a lump on the surface of his stomach near his belly button and they was giving him topical creams for a year... It was a tumour. But like you said, what's done is done and we have this time now to make memories. 

Im glad to hear your mum is a tough cookie, my dad is the same! His attitude towards it definitely helps with my own processing of it all. 

Thank you for reaching out, I really appreciate it :) 

Oh gosh, that is so rough to hear that he was so misdiagnosed! It is just heartbreaking that people are losing their lives because of the state of the NHS. But let's not linger on that. 

It's certainly true that when they have positive energy it's easier to remain more positive yourself.

Sorry to hear that he isn't as active anymore, but glad you are still able to have that quality time with him.

Look, happy to chat!