Supporting my Husband

Hi GailH_123welocme to the forum. Im imagining that he is scared a bit and it has knocked any trajectory of how he thought life was going to pan out for you both. Its  not what he had planned, nor asked for so he will be feeling so angry and sad and a whole lot of different emotions Im sure going round in his head.  Do you think he would speak to someone like a Counsellor?  

Hi, thank you for your reply, just like he’s shutting me out l, he finishes chemo Monday, this last one been the worse by far, and will I ever get him back, I understand he must be scared, just feel on my own with it, see how next few days go xx

I am so with all you ladies. My husband of 50 years is not the pre cancer man before he was chilled layed back a very much live and let live. Now he is moody clingy gone all old fashioned and moral mood swings. I am so glad I found this I hope it can become my place to rant without judgement 

My husband is only 43 and has been diagnosed with bladder cancer. He is currently having chemotherapy before an operation to remove his bladder and prostate. I think most men in general find it hard to talk about their feelings and their worries and fears show themselves by being quiet, grumpy and shutting people out. Our relationship as a couple has changed completely. I don’t know how to be around him and feel like I’m treading on egg shells not wanting to say or do the wrong thing. My husband had a holistic assessment arranged by our fabulous MacMillan nurse, but he refuses to engage with any counselling. He’ll discuss the facts of his diagnosis and treatment but anything else his defensive wall comes up. I am accessing counselling, signposted to me from MacMillan online chat. My hope is that I can get answers to my questions, advice and guidance from the counselling that I can subtly feed back to my husband to indirectly help him and us a couple. They may not always talk but most listen and you may see this in subtle changes to their behaviour when you do speak up. 

Hi Ladies ,

I am feeling the same. My 56 yr ,old husband was diagnosed with a T3 kidney cancer 14 days ago and awaits surgery . I am juggling finishing off a major house renovation , insurance claims for cancelled holiday , making POA and wills and supporting the three young adult kids we have along side his nutritional and well being . Overnight he has started to listen to me re diet ( for years he ate badly) and I am using a meal prep service atm as i have no kitchen for 2 wks .

he is normally chilled and laid back and doesnt really talk about feelings anyway - I am the opposite and chat to anyone about everything ... I do worry about suppressed emotions and how he is feeling .He is deflated and quiet and onviously contemplative . We can discuss plasterers and building works, policies and making arrangements vert matter of fact like- but when i ask how he is i always get - yeah fine . he cant be fine .I would love to organise a counsellor for him too but not quite sure how to go about it and I dont want to "control" him I want him to have autonomy but as I have alsways looked after everyones health/medical and emotional welfare for the family he is expecting me to and I am happy to but writing this is making me realise I need to just sit him down , step back and ask him what he wants and how he feels .. I know he has messaged some of the family asking them to keep an eye on me - but i feel we are all worrying about each other ! lol .. time for a family meeting maybe .