Grieving already and my mum has not passed yet

Hi Ebr2323 

My mum was a stage 4 patient for 15 years . There were many points where anticipatory grief overwhelmed me . But you just don’t get that time back . My rule when with mum was to keep my head where my body was and not anticipating her funeral etc . You keep pulling it back until it becomes a discipline. Many fails along the way but many wins . If you are doing her hair or out for a coffee that’s what you are doing .

I lost my precious mum on Wednesday . I don’t regret one moment where we spent time , quality , activities. When the time came I have little regret . 
In some strange way I know I have to let go now . If you need help please do speak to your GP . The fear has now gone and I am hoping I can replace it with memories .

Start small , one small task at a time and keep at it . One task becomes two and gradually you grow a strength you did not know was possible. And there will be complete fails and that’s ok too . You are only human .

Court x 

Thank you so much... I'm so sorry for your loss your mum must be so proud of you... You sound so very brave and this advice is so helpful... Xx

I am in the same situation. When I cry I feel I am slowly preparing myself for something that I feel I will never be prepared. When we are together I speak of other things with her. Mainly daily things or new things. She gets her head from the cancer and so do I. We are having quite a quality time together. Hang on there, you can do it!

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. My mum also has stage 4 cancer. 

First point, you are not being selfish, you are going through this too and you are entitled to your emotions! You just need to find that space where you are able to feel those feelings. 

But also it's important to be recognising those good times, those memories you are making with your mum, right now, as they happen. 

It might also be good for you to seek counselling to manage this effectively.

I'm mad too! My mum was left undiagnosed for so long! It shouldn't be this way. But unfortunately it is and I'm just trying to live with that, as that's the hand we have to play.

<3