Difficult feelings as a wife

Hi CB76 

Sorry to hear about your husband. if we look at your feelings when someone has cancer I certainly see a checkbox of some of the things I wnet through. 

There is also quite a good blog on coping with anticipatory grief, often than can be of course the loss of the life we have planned.

I ended up doing a living with less stress course that really helped me. A key element was learning to appreciate what we have in the here and now. Another key element was around conscious breathing that can really help when life decides to throw us the next curve ball but can be really helpful in relaxing too.

In some ways cancer has brought my wife and I closer together, where we talk about problems without the other feeling they somehow have to fix them.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi CB76,

you are so not alone, I am in the same boat as you! My husband was diagnosed 2 years ago too at 48.  The first few months were tough with chemo and then surgery and then we thought all was well, then bang slapped down again at 1st surveillance being told he had liver and lung mets. More chemo and hooray it had worked sufficiently for resection, then slapped down again at repeat imaging prior to surgery and it’s grown again! 
it’s the constant rollercoaster of having a bit of normality then being smacked back down again breaks me. 
Each time it reminds me that in all honesty I am likely to be on my own by the time I’m 50, and I feel so bitter and angry that this is actually the new normal for us and the sad truth is it will only get worse.
I am so sorry that turned into a bit of a rant from me there, when I was trying to reassure you that the feelings you are describing I guess are valid. It’s hard to remember that we matter in all of this too, especially when  all everything wants to know is how they are doing!  Keep going, and I find it very useful to come here and connect when things are tough, it reassuring to know that we are not  going mad or are heartless and selfish, in fact I think it’s all part of the anticipatory grief process. Sending you much love, again sorry for ranting !