Hello I am new here but just felt I need to get some sort of support because I feel like I’m going crazy and starting to loose my mind, it’s very frustrating and I’m very disappointed in myself as I’ve been so strong for a long time! :(
My Mum was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer December 2023, she has been fighting it ever since including a 5 week stay in hospital trying to get jaundice under control and various stents fitted followed by two more hospital stays.
I have seen first hand just how incredibly strong my mum is who has in the last 10 years had extremely bad anxiety and depression to deal with as well as this! The pure torture and pain I have seen my mum go through has just been harrowing as she had quite a horrific jaundice experience.
At the start of the journey we were told the tumour was stable but borderline operable, unfortunately now it is not and is stage 3 locally advanced. She is about to start palliative chemo but they have given her a rough time line of 12-18 months.
I have supported her all the way and have been on endless hospital visits and appointments with her and will of course continue to do so.
I have fought for her with all my might and tried so hard to get things going faster but it wasn’t enough. I blame myself for not pushing things more. I keep thinking it might of made all the difference.
My heart is broken, I have a 7 year old and an 18 month old who of course adore her as do I, I’m very lucky to have a supportive partner but he is trying to do a degree so has to travel back and forth from uni a lot. I am an only child and my mum and dad split 13 years ago so she lives on her own and doesn’t drive, I have no other siblings to talk to or lean on.
just can’t believe we are here, I feel like I’m going crazy! I go through an array of emotions daily and it’s exhausting, I have quite a full on 7 year old who needs alot of explaining to and a 18 month old who won’t be comforted by anything apart from my breast! I love them both so much more than anything, it’s just so hard to cope with everything at the moment. I thought I’d give it a go writing it out on here but I’m not sure what to else to do? We can’t afford a councillor or anything like that but I don’t want to loose my mind and have it affect my parenting in the process of potentially loosing my mum which I just feel was never supposed to be on the cards so soon. We love her so much I just can’t bare the thought of loosing her. :(
Hi MoonLady54 and a big welcome to our community though we are al ways a little bit sorry to see someone join our special club.
You sound like you have been kept very busy and often we end up putting ourselves last - until we hit a breaking point. In my case I went in to the local Maggie's at the hospital my wife was in, that reaching out for help bit can be really difficult.
There are a whole range or emotions we all go through in this situation as we can see here. I ended up doing a living with less stress coruse and a really positive from that was helping me focus on what we have in the there and now and not living in a future I can neither control or predict.
Your mum might like to get a needs assessment from her local authority and you might benefit from a carers assessment too
Do post on here whenever, you are more than welcome to use the phone line too and if face to face might work best for you too then if you use or in your area tool to find support groups near you.
<<hugs>>
Steve
