Brother difficult to care for.

Hello H2cope  I am so sorry to read of situation and the problems your brother has caused. I do think in this situation you need to look after yourself and mum first and foremost as your brother is causing all the issues. May I make a few suggestions:

* Have you considered contacting "Mind"  they provide advice and support to empower anyone with mental health issues and provide support, you can contact them on 0300 123 3393 or www.mind.org.uk

* There's also "Anxiety UK" they can offer help and advice for anxiety - Support line 0344 477 5774 or support@anxiety.org.uk or www.anxietyuk.org.uk

* You can also speak in confidence to our support line on 0808 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days a week) they will also be able to give you help and support.

To be honest the first line caught my attention as I suffer from Prostate Cancer and spend 80% of my time on the Prostate Cancer forum. If you do eventually need any help and advice for your brother please come and join us - we aren't a bad bunch and the link to us is here

 Prostate cancer forum 

Just click on the link I have provided and it will take you there.

As your brother has been diagnosed with Prostate Cancer you are more than likely to be "at risk" as it runs in families so I would advise you to contact your Doctor to arrange a PSA test. If you have any male children I would also put them in the picture.

I do hope the above helps, if I can do anything else for you please don't hesitate to contact me.

Kind regards - Brian.

Good evening,

Thanks for getting back to me. I will reach out to Mind. I have had previous counselling before. Plus cognitive behaviour therapy and talking therapies. I feel it’s time to reach out again.

I  female but I have a 32 year old son who I have advised to get tests done. My dad had prostrate cancer and dementia when he passed away. My brother didn’t think to get tested.

Good luck with everything - I know it's a hard time but we are all here for you. My apologies for assuming you were male - busy day!!

We are always here on the Community for you.

Kind Regards - Brian xx

Thank you very much. You don’t have to apologise at all. It’s nice having someone to talk share my issues with and get some perspective and support with everything. It’s a very difficult time for the family. I am so used to speaking with my mom on the phone twice a day. Now we don’t have those conversations as my brother listens and gets verbally abusive with my mum, as she’s given me some time. She’s suffering to and says she just wants him to get some more strength so he can go back to his own place. I feel for her also as he has always been verbally abusive to her and now his cancer diagnosis has made he a hundred times worse.

It's no problem - I do understand where you are coming from and I can see from the information you have put in your posts, your brother is no doubt sorry he has chosen to take the wrong advice at the outset and your mom is taking the brunt of his anger.

The issue with Advanced Prostate Cancer your brother has is it cant be cured but can be treated. If it would help you to understand your brother's diagnosis here's a link to Prostate Cancer UK's guide to it

https://shop.prostatecanceruk.org/our-publications/all-publications/advanced-prostate-cancer

I do hope someone can get his to seek help for both you and your mom - as you say the situation can only get worse and without treatment he is only going to get worse.

Stay strong and keep in touch.

Best wishes - Brian.

An update on the situation with my brother. His dairy went missing in my mom’s house yesterday. He then went on to call the police because of it. My youngest brother also lives there. He told the police that my brother had stolen it. I can’t believe what is going on.

How awful that must have been. No only is it a waste of police time but it's shows how angry your older brother is. I do wonder if this is possible a case for Social Services to be involved as i do fear for your mother and possible your younger brother is in a bad place too.

Please keep us posted as we will tray and do what we can to help.

Kind regards - Brian.

My mom has said his gone to his own place for the weekend. I totally agree with you, it appears he’s angry with us for the place he is in at the moment. I fear for my mum’s mental and  physical health. He previously stayed with her and my mum lost so much weight because of the stress and the verbal abuse. Now it just getting worse. Maybe social services need to get involved. I think my mom needs a break from this. It’s to much for one person and she’s 84 years old.My younger brother suffers from severe mental health issues so the police didn’t take this seriously. As you said his wasted police time. I just can’t process what he has done. 

Now that's an interesting one - why does he bother your mom if he's got his own place?  The other one of course is that his condition now is not of your making but you are trying to help and he's not listening.

Two agencies who may be able to offer mom help are:

* Age UK - they have a support line on 0800 678 1602 (7 days a week 8am to 7pm) and

* Silver Line  - again 24/7 support for older people with information and advice - 0800 470 80 90 or www.thesilverline.org.uk

I know it's hard when it's family but you need to look after yourself to look after mom and your younger brother.

I do possibly think Social Services should be aware as no 84 year old should be dealing with a situation like this.

Kind Regards - Brian.

Hi,

Unfortunately, he lives by himself. His condition was so severe that he couldn’t walk without crutches. He couldn’t do anything for himself. He still refused to say he had prostrate cancer even though his doctor had told him so.He has two adult children who don’t have much to do with him owing to how he treated them when they were growing up. So basically without my mum he wouldn’t have any help. I work full time and my youngest brother has severe mental health problems. I suppose now he has started to feel some sort of independence his going back to his verbally abusive self.

I will speak to mum about getting support from Age Concern. She uses their services quite a bit.