Hi,
My mum has been through a lot the past few months. She's been feeling extremely unwell with her stomach bloating to a size of a woman with just a few weeks left before giving birth. She has been admitted to the hospital at the beginning of February with a lump around her lower abdomen. With a great amount of scans we've been informed of a build up of fluid in her stomach and swelling of her ovaries. Although they couldn't tell the reason for swelling, fluid has been drained and a biopsy taken for an analysis. And then she went home, with a number of medication and a monthly supply of protein shakes. She's been told to wait till the results come back.
Three weeks later I have received a call. To hear they've identified the mass as cancerous was one thing, but to hear they cannot confirm it is an issue with her ovaries and she is to be transferred to another department was another. We've been told to wait for a panel. We've been told it won't take long till we receive a call. But the lack of information only increased our anxiety,
Last Monday she went back to the hospital with a severe chest infection. Once treated with antibiotics, she's been taken through for a number of blood tests and scans. Fluid has been found in her left lung and thus, she was awaiting another procedure to drain it. They have done it once, but that wasn't enough. As of now, she's been through it at least 5 times. In the meantime, nurses and doctors kept asking if we know what the fluid was, what was the reason for it. As we never dealt with cancer we had no idea it was a side effect of it. We were just thinking she was overworked and her body was lacking rest, the infection has spread and hence the build up of liquid. We were wrong, as you can imagine.
Yesterday, my mum has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer of unknown origin. The doctor told her there are signs of cancer in both of her ovaries, uterus, stomach and lungs. She's been told the life expectancy is between 12 to 18 months. She's been held by a nurse whilst the doctor informed her of the upcoming treatment. I wasn't there. We did not receive the call to inform us they have a diagnosis and want us to come.
Today I understand they needed to speak to my mum first so she could sign documents to begin her treatment. We know once the fluids are taken, she will be able to start chemotherapy. We know there is a meeting with a doctor scheduled for us for Monday morning to inform us about everything as my mum forgotten half of the things said to her. We can't blame her, I mean... Her youngest child is 6 years old. How can you carry on listening once you've been told about an upcoming death?
With all of this said I have decided to seek help. My mental health has declined and truly... Trying to cope with so much whilst in the last semester of my degree is a lot. In a way I'm hoping that there is a chance. There is a chance she'll respond well to the chemotherapy and her life expectancy will be increased.
To those who went or are going through a similar thing, what are you doing to help stay calm? All I can think of is the chances of her doing well, the fact she's strong and she is trying. She hasn't lost that much weight overall, and I mean... She's eating? She is doing so well for someone with such strong diagnosis. Is it possible for her to overcome it? Is it possible that chemo will allow the doctor to identify the origin of her cancer and perhaps operate it? She's willing to remove everything she physically can just to guarantee herself some extra time with my and my brothers, her partner, her friends.
What can I do as her daughter to help her stay strong and fight? What can I do to stop my heart racing and head spinning from all the negative scenarios that will come if, one day, she'll be gone?
Magda.
Hi MagdaCz_0216
Sorry to read about everything your mum has been going through and of course the impact that has on you and the rest of her family too. My wife's route to a diagnosis was also long and complex with rather a lot of sickness while the doctors were convinced she had cancer but were not able to find it and in the meantime missed something else that when she did finally get a cancer diagnosis is was almost a relief.
Janice never wanted to know how long and I really struggled with that. Her first round of chemotherapy worked very well on the cancer but caused other issues - those were fixable but meant the doctors discontinued that treatment for her to recover but then a second type of chemotherapy ended up putting her cancer to sleep.
I ended up doing a living with less stress course that really helped me. I came to realise I spent so much time working out how I would cope without her that I was missing out on being with her in the here and now and that meant I was not as much use to her as I would like. The conscious breathing techniques they taught were great for coping when life throws us another curve ball but also quite good at helping me relax to.
You mention a degree, do speak to student support services who will be able to provide support to you I know one thing I had to learn was the importance of looking after me it I was to be much good helping my wife.
Anyway for Janice - we are now over 10 years post diagnosis and living with cancer rather than anything else - lots of support on here and from Maggies keeps me somehow mostly functioning well.
<<hugs>>
Steve
