Hi.
I'm new here, and just think I need to download where I am, as trying to have conversations with my husband just aren't cutting it.
15 years ago my Mam was diagnosed with breast cancer. She had a lumpectomy, and was in remission. Whilst this was going on, she also has an extremely rare autoimmune disease, that has resulted in rheumatoid arthritis, osteoporosis as well as other things I genuinely can't remember the names of. I had a baby 2 years gone January, her first (and only) grandchild. 6 weeks post partum I got a call from my Dad saying that they were in an ambulance as my Mam was having trouble breathing. I'd had an emergency C-section with a bad recovery - I couldn't drive (plus we were still in backend of COVID and we couldn't visit hospital). Turns out, after 2 days in EAU, scans, x-rays, MRIs, she had broken 2 ribs - by walking upstairs. But the x-rays showed that she had secondary bone cancer. She has deteriorated over the last 2 years, and has been on research chemo for maybe 18 months that were initially working. However 4 months ago found out something has changed. Her cancer is now in a few places, and she has made the decision to go on the intravenous chemo, which starts on Wednesday.
What I also didn't know until the weekend was that she had been given 5 years (hopefully). That was 2 years ago. I'm so angry that I've gone two years without knowing. But I'm so conflicted with the time I've got left and how to help and support her, my Dad (who's obviously distraught) but trying to look after her. I want to enjoy the time we have left together as a family but she's in so much pain and has no energy to do anything. She just sits. I'm worried for her mental health, my Dad's and just wanting my daughter to try and enjoy what time she has with her Nana.
Sorry if this read a bit messed up. My head's a bit all over. Thanks for reading
Sorry to hear about your mum but glad you found your way to join our special club. I can relate in some way to the issue with the arthritis as I have a form of that in my spine but also have to find a balance between pain and the side effects of the pain killers. Some time ago I managed to break a rib just by coughing and that was no fun at all.
Often parents choose not to worry their children with their medical issues until events seem to offer them no choice. It can be challenging then when it does come out but on the other side what is done is done and we cannot change the past.
With my wife's cancer I was all over the place over the years. I ended up doing a living with less stress course that really helped me. Janice never wanted a prognosis but with her cancer there was little chance of any meaningful figure being given anyway. Many prognoses talk about the percentage who will survive for 5 years or more but many people never hear the "or more".
The chemotherapy process can be hard and of course the key is that it is even harder on the cancer. Janice had two different types of chemotherapy and for her the good news is that the second seemed to put her cancer to sleep and so we got to living with rather than dying from cancer.
Then of course we have you and your daughter - as she grows you might be interested in our guide talking to children and for you your feelings when someone has cancer
Do post on here whenever or if speaking to someone might help you are welcome to ring the helpline.
<<hugs>>
Steve
