Hello. This is the first time I’m reaching out to an online forum so bare with…
My mum is 74 and has breast cancer stage 4 mets to abdomen, mainly peritoneal and ovaries. This is the third time she has had BC, first time 30 years ago, and until this last year she has coped incredibly well, remaining as active and mobile as she can. It all went downhill when she had hip replacement 18 months ago and had to come off chemo. She has since tried various chemos, some working well for a significant amount of time. She is just about to try one last (harsh apparently) chemo to see if this will give her a little more time. It may or may not.
My mum lives alone, but in the same town to me and my 8 year old daughter. We stay with her about 3 nights a week. To help out with housework etc but also to have some quality time with her.
Physically she’s very weak, struggling, but still managing with stairs. She’s very thin, apart from a very distended tummy which is of course tumour and ascites. She needs an arm to hold on to now if we go out. She often says that once she’s lost her mobility her life has closed in… she’s always been very active.
She’s done all the forms re hospice care and has a palliative nurse on the case if she necessary.
She has gone through lots of ‘stuff’ with me re house, finances, possessions, funeral etc as she has wanted to get her affairs in order. We have talked about everything. On Christmas day, she wanted me to listen to a couple of pieces of music for her funeral!
I have an older sister who lives a couple of hours away and comes to stay with her for a couple of nights every 6 weeks or so. She and mum aren’t as close as I am to mum, and my sister and I aren’t particularly close either, we’ll manage and do what we need to do when the time comes.
I don’t know when that will be. I thought she wouldn’t make it to Xmas. It’s all consuming, and I’m terrified of losing her and the bereavement process. I’m a single parent. I have great friends but they’re not the same as having that someone there for support. And I guess my mum has been that someone for a long time.
Im so so tired, I work full time in quite a demanding job. Although my work are very supportive, I can’t just take time off, as I’m going to need a bit of time off when my mum dies.
Im also trying to support my 20 year old son who had a tragic car accident a year ago and is now having to go through court proceedings. My mum and my kids are close, and I know mum has been hanging on to know the outcome.
Sometimes I feel as though I have no space to myself. I can’t cry out loud because I’m around people all the time.
I worry about when the time comes and she’s in the hospice and I have no one to look after my daughter so I can be with my mum.
It all feels incredibly sad and stressful. I feel as though I can’t plan anything. I have nothing to look forward to, and at the moment my life is spent working, kids stuff, doing chores for mum and then in my own house, trying to spend time with her, and then grocery shopping! It’s all a bit depressing when I hear my friends booking their family summer hols abroad.
I also swing from feeling incredibly stressed to feeling guilty that I’m feeling stressed!
I just wondered if someone else had felt like this…So sorry for the long entry.
Dear Coco47
so sorry to hear of your situation.
sending you lots of hugs and positive vibes your way 
