Husband diagnosed with not one but 2 separate cancers at same time - im broken :(

Hi Ted1212 

Having two cancers is quite rare - not that that really helps much and it also means dealing with two different departments - my poor wife at times has been dealing with 3 and somehow it seems communication between them is not great and so we end up actually being a key element in their treatment - make sure you take a notepad to remember everything you need to know.

Shock is a perfectly normal reaction to even a single cancer diagnosis - let alone two and the time between diagnosis until forming a plan for "what next" is really very difficult. 

One thing we often share on the Carers only forum is a reminder to look after ourselves too - we need to be careful to look after ourselves if we are to be there when we are really needed.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Sending you lots of hugs and positive vibes your way

Hi Ted1212

I'm so sorry that you are both facing this, and sending you a hug...

My partner was also diagnosed with two cancers in quick succession.  First diagnosis was low grade prostate cancer (which would have required a prostatectomy).  However within 2-3 weeks of this, he was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive type of lymphoma. In my partner's case, there were no symptoms...  this all started with him enquiring about a vasectomy (oh the irony...).  He was age 60 at the time, and very fit.

I remember the shock and that I couldn't function for a few days.  I went straight home from work when he called me with the lymphoma news in the middle of the day and I just couldn't do anything other than lie in bed and cry.  I had zero energy for the next few days.

It has been an incredibly hard journey since then, but I have to say it has been 'better' than I feared.  He has quickly decided to be as positive as possible - do what he enjoys, push the negatives out, continue trying to do as much as he could.  His doctors said that the lymphoma needed to be treated first as this was the cancer that was the most aggressive.  So really nothing has (so far) been done about his prostate cancer other than continuing to track his PSA level and having regular scans.  It is difficult and worrying to think that the prostate cancer is still 'above our heads' and that he might still have to go through treatment for this when he (we...) have been through so much already.  He's been so positive, it has shown me a side of him that I didn't know and that has made me love him more.  Going through this has made me reconsider my approach to "relationship issues" - questioning myself and looking at things in a different way, and reflecting before deciding if this was worth raising with him.  I got a lot of joy and self-fulfillment by doing my best to make him feel good and to support him through this journey.

You (and he) are stronger than you think.  You will also get through this.  It won't be easy but taking it one day at the time and trying to make the best of each day will help.  I'm sorry if that sounds incredibly cliché but I think there is no other way...  I tried to think every day when it was hard, about what "must" be done today, and what I can control right now.  The other things (out of my control) which weighed on my mind I journaled and tried to keep at bay.  Easier said than done, and not achievable every day, but this was my aim.

My partner is in remission now, having undergone 6 months of chemotherapy, followed by an autologous stem cell transplant 12 months ago - but he still suffers a lot of side-effects from all this therapy, his health is 'up and down', our sex life is ...  well it isn't ...  and I feel very bad / selfish for even caring about our sex life when 12 months ago I was worried that he might not survive...  but we are also human and each challenge along the way can seem big relative to where you are in that journey.

You are more than welcome to send me messages / questions etc. if you wish...  You are stronger than you think, and will be ok.  And having your support will mean a lot to him.

xx