Hello,
Before I start this story I'd like to say that 99.9% of my husbands experience of the NHS have been extremely positive. This post is not about bashing the NHS. I hope someone will read it and let me know if this experience is normal or appropriate or if there is anything I could have done differently.
My husband was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer in April 2021. He underwent neo adjuvent chemotherapy then an Ivor Lewis Oesophagectomy. He was unable to continue with chemotherapy after surgery due to toxicity. He has had a lot of difficulties since the op and in December 2023 he was informed the cancer is back and that he has months. Palliative chemo was offered and my husband agreed. The first round was bad. He ended up in bed for a week. He doesn't especially want to be in a hospital so would not allow me to call an ambulance. He explained this to his oncologist and initially decided not to continue with chemo. He then agreed to try again with a reduced dose. He received this on Friday. He had another bad reaction. He became almost unresponsive. He did manage to ask me to ask them to stop Chemo and that he wanted to go home. At this point he is being constantly sick. They take him off the chemo and say he can go home. After a trip to the toilet he almost collapses. They decide he needs to stay in and that he will go to admissions. Instead they take him to A&E where he is left barely able to hold his head up and throwing up in a room full of people, snot coming out of his nose, unable to perform the basic function of clearing it away. I had to physically stand in front of him to prevent people staring. Eventually I approached the receptionist to ask if there was somewhere more private he could wait. I saw her approach a male nurse and I saw two sets of eye rolling. The nurse she spoke to came out and called him through. He was incredibly rude. He said, you can sit over there. I informed him I was keeping an eye out for my daughter so preferred to stand near the door. He immediately became defensive and said I can't have two people in here. I informed him that she wasn't coming in just bringing some nightclothes for my husband. By this time I was almost in tears. Could barely speak. The nurse started firing questions at my husband which he struggled to reply to. He then stood up and said I'll get the doctor. He got the doctor not to help my husband but to deal with me. I didn't realise this until he said something along the line of we want to care for your husband but we need to care for our staff too. I have been in tears all weekend. I've thought about what I said. There was no shouting, no swearing. Maybe I was curt. I probably was curt. Part of why is because I could barely speak for being on the verge of tears. In the meantime my husband is still sitting in this hospital chair unable to hold his head up and when I point out to the doctor that he is clearly ill and needs to be in bed he responded by saying all you have to do is ask and he repeated this over and over again as he and the nurse got him onto the bed.
I'm sorry this has been a long read. I would appreciate some input from another perspective as I haven't stopped crying about this all weekend.
Thank you.
Hi Ella-1 welcome to the forum. Now please dry those tears because you have not done anything wrong here except try your best to maintain some dignity for your husband by asking for a private space for him and to wait at the door for your daughter arriving. None of that is at all unreasonable on your behalf, however, I would have to question the Nurses response as this seems way over the top for what was happening and they need called to account for their behaviour. Would you feel able to call the Patient Experience/Complaints team at the hospital and raise this with them as a cause for concern and see what they say. Never apologise for trying to preserve your loved ones dignity and privacy, as if you dont, who will?. Please do let us know how you get on and if you need any further advice re this then plesse do give the Macmillan Line a call in the am as they are great at listening and may be able to help direct you to the right people. 08088080000.
Sending some hugs your way for now x
I'm so sorry you had to experience this behaviour. Please contact your hospital PALS they will guide you through the complaints procedure. Please do follow this through even if not right now because it needs to be highlighted. I work in a hospital.ward and that is not acceptable, during busy times sometimes staff forget what people are actually dealing with and need reminding so they don't add to people's stress and upset.
I had a similar experience in A& E when they left us I a side room while I watched my husband deteriorate by the time I had to get help and demand someone Come to him he was septic and spent 2 hours in resus while they tried to stabilise him. My earlier requests for help resulted In the eye rolling experience you had like I was making a fuss over nothing. He nearly died and their faces when they realised how bad he was were shocked and a bit ashamed.
Good for you for advocating for your husband. Take care.
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