My dad was diagnosed with bladder cancer in november of 2021.
He had surgery for bladder removal, they then whilst in surgery found cancer in the prostate and lymphnodes, managed to removed it all.
After his first surgery there were complications to which he had to have surgery on his bowel. Very traumatic, especially when we were told they struggled to wake him up from 2nd op. He eventually came home and within a week was back in hospital for another lenghty amount of time.
Fast forward a year, he had reversal surgery of illeostomy, he was doing amazing, but then started to have severe pain in his hip. Had a PET CT scan and was told the cancer had occured in the pelvis, hip bone and lymphnodes He then had chemo and radiotherapy. Pain seem to have subsided. But a few months later the pain was back, he was in hospital for 2 weeks before christmas with gallbladder issues. Had a procedure and was sent home.
The pain in his pelvis became relentless and he started getting pain in his stomach. He had a review with the consultant who removed his bladder and he was not happy with a lump he felt in dads groin. Referred him for an immediate PET CT scan and we got the news on Thursday the cancer has spread, there a is mass outside his bowel, lymphnodes have doubled in size. Prognosis is 6-12 months. We are all completely devastated but we knew it was coming, he knew in himself. It just hits different when it’s said out loud.
My dads experience has been a very traumatic one, not just for him but for the whole family. I feel like i’m the one who always has to be strong when i just feel like crumbling. My heart is breaking to think of a future without my dad. My heart breaks even more for my 5 year old who is my dads little best friend, they have an amazing bond, he knows grandad is poorly and i wouldn’t think of telling him to the extent until the time actually comes.
the grief of the news is coming in waves and i just don’t know what to do, or say. One minute i feel like i could climb a mountain and the next i’m reduced to tears at the fear of the future!
Does anyone have any tips on what do or how to deal with feelings, it’s still very fresh and raw.
Hi LB16
What a lot your poor dad has been through and having you beside him must have been a comfort even though it is very difficult to watch and indeed in many ways you have already climbed a mountain.
Many on here describe things as a rollercoaster - I know our journey with my wife has certainly had a lot of ups and downs and that idea of "having to be strong" - well I wish it was as easy to do as type.
I did a living with less stress course that really helped me. Learning to recognize the emotions and acknowledge them without feeling they are good or bad can help them be less overwhelming. I know how fear of the future can dominate and stopped me appreciating what we have.
There is a good page here on your feelings when someone has cancer and knowing how normal this is can be quite helpful.
<<hugs>>
Steve
Hi Steve, (my dads name is Steve)
Thank you so much for your reply.
I will take a look at the page you suggested and the course.
Sending love to you and your family
