In November my dad was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. My family situation is probably different to most as I currently live with my parents - I moved back in a couple of years ago after a breakdown. I have known my parents were getting older and since I was in my 20s (now in my 40s) I have dreaded one of them getting ill or dying and now my worst fears have come true.
my anxiety has skyrocketed - not helped by the fact I am also looking after a young puppy which I bought just prior to his diagnosis to help me with my anxiety by giving me something to focus on and get me out of the house.
my dad is due to start radiochemotherapy in a couple of weeks and I offered to drive him to his appointments - however due to my anxiety and the meds I take I don’t think I will be able to even do this as I am not sure I should be driving.
living in the same house feels like I no break from all this and I desperately want to move out but due finances, health and my dog I don’t think this is possible. I know when he starts his treatment I will be even worse as I will be constantly thinking about him and whether he has an infection or not, or possibly seeing him suffer from the drugs and radiation.
i really love my dad (and mum) and they have done a lot for me when i have been ill in the past and I now not only feel anxious but also guilty that I cannot reciprocate the care properly. I feel really selfish for feeling like this but I know that my health is also declining and I think I need to focus on myself so they don’t have to worry about me as well as my dad.
any advice would be welcome.
