Hi all.
First time posing on here... Thought it would be a good safe space to let out some feelings.
After 4 years of battling hard my amazing,brave dad has now only been given a month or so to live.
Until now, as a family we have always remained upbeat finding laughter in the toughest of times, but the last couple of months for me I've suddenly realized that I'm struggling more than I thought.
I am a realist and very matter of fact when it comes to these sorts of things... Kinda oh well nothing we can do so let's crack on the best we can... He's 75 and has a good life etc.... however, I think it's now hitting me. Seeing him sat there dosed up on morphine and just sleeping and not eating it's bloody tough!
So to cope I have found myself emotionally eating a d also online shopping. Not getting into trouble financially but still spending a lot on crap that I don't need!
It just makes the thoughts of what my dad is going through lessen a bit and it makes my head hurt a little less. But it doesn't last....
I'm not one for talking and opening up so I guess this is my way of dealing, but I don't want to end up fat, unhealthy and skint!
It just depresses me knowing he must be so scared and he's so blooming brave... 
Hello Spells1977 A warm welcome to the MacMillan Online Community - I am so sorry to read about your dad, 4 years battling illness is such a long time and like you I am normally upbeat and use humour to cover up my true feelings regarding illness - especially a terminal diagnosis.
You have gone through those 4 years yourself - a carer - and you just don't realise the effect it has on your own life - as you say, it's only when it comes to the crunch you start to feel - well how you do. Don't beat yourself up - it's a natural reaction to take some time out and take yourself out of the "life" that has been yours in the past 4 years.
We all do things at a time of stress and it's not easy - but you are right to put your feelings down and vent - it's pure stress relief.
May I suggest you give our helpline a call - it's a free call on 0808 808 00 00 (8am - 8pm 7 days a week) - There are some great people there and they will be able to offer that little bit of extra help and advice at this time.
Take care and best wishes - Brian.
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
Strength, Courage, Faith, Hope, Defiance, VICTORY.
I am a Macmillan volunteer.
Hello Iris993 Thanks for posting - I am so sorry to read about your dad's battle with lung cancer - I have a different cancer myself so can't imagine what you are both going through. It's possible to access some support for both you and dad - here are a few ideas - I don't know if you have tried any:
* "Maggie's" - is there a Maggie's centre near you? This is a support charity for anyone affected by cancer - you can just drop in for a brew and have a chat. 0300 123 1801 or enquiries@maggiescentres.org or www.maggiescentres.org
* British Lung Foundation - They have a dedicated helpline for support 0300 0030 555 (9am - 5pm Monday to Friday) or www.blf.org.uk.
* Roy Castle Lung Cancer Foundation - This is a charity to help anyone affected by lung cancer - 0800 358 7200 or www.roycastle.org.uk.
* https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/get-help/emotional-help/macmillan-buddies This is the link for the Buddy scheme - Would it help to chat to someone who understands once a week?
* There's our helpline 0808 808 00 00 (8am - 8pm 7 days a week). The lovely people here will be able to find some extra help for you and dad and it's a free - no obligation call.
Remember we as a Community are all here for you. I do hope you find some of the above to be of help.
If I can do anything else for you feel free to contact me.
Best wishes - Brian.
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
Strength, Courage, Faith, Hope, Defiance, VICTORY.
I am a Macmillan volunteer.
