I’m 23 (F) and my dad has recently been diagnosed with cancer for the second time, except this time things feel different. My dad previously had a stage 2 tumour in his throat and was treated with radiotherapy and chemotherapy for 3 months in 2021 - while I was finishing my degree 4 hours away from home. At the time his odds were good, 70% chance of full recovery (which he remained in until about 2 weeks ago). I don’t think it fully hit me back then the severity of his illness as his odds to recover were better than most. But what stuck with me were his words that if it spread to his lymph nodes, he was in trouble.
Fast forward to last week, and unfortunately it has returned and done just that and more. My dad now has lung cancer, a tumour in the bottom of his left lung and it’s inoperable. I don’t know what stage it is yet, and we won’t know until after Christmas. I lost my job a few months ago and have been looking for work too, but this has really knocked me down. My dad wants us all to enjoy Christmas, but it feels impossible when next year he may not even be here. I’ve always struggled with Christmas since my parents separated, but now I feel like I’m just dissociating hard.
it’s hard to not know what to expect, but I know it’s likely my dads diagnosis isn’t going to be great. I have my boyfriend to support me but I hate crying all the time (I’m usually bubbly) when he loves these holidays so much. He wants to support me, but I don’t know what sort of support I need right now. I feel like I’m watching my life fall down in front of me and can’t stop it —does it get better? How can I take the burden off of other people and help myself too? I don’t know anymore
hi Jingles360
So sorry to hear about your dad and everything you are going through. Almost everyone finds the time between diagnosis and getting a treatment plan in place really difficult. Indeed looking at Your feelings when someone has cancer I know I recognize a lot of what I went through. When I did a living with less stress course one thing I learnt was to recognize the emotions, realise they were valid but that I was in control and then could help them not overwhelm me.
In some ways my wife's cancer has brought us closer in that we now are more open with each other about our emotions. Perhaps the biggest element in this is to remember to look after ourself and remember to ask for help early - I did not and broke. The lovely people at Maggies and on Macmillan helped put me back together.
I cry but somehow I now relate this to my love overflowing from my eyes. As a friends funeral recently the celebrant said grief is the price we pay for love and that really struck me as very inciiteful.
Do post whenever - someone is always listening and we even help others just by sharing.
<<hugs>>
Steve
