Supporting my daughter

Hi Pej 

Not exactly a match with you but my son has seen his mum so poorly for most of his life - he is 19 now. Janice has Leiomyosarcoma but - for now at least, her cancer is stable but it was a real adventure getting here.

We have quite a good guide on Supporting someone with cancer that might be helpful as well as Talking to children and teenagers that might help[ with your granddaughters.

Sometimes we get so worried about saying the wrong thing we can end up not saying anything at all, best bet often is to listen and see what your daughter wants to talk about. Sometimes that might be cancer or the future, sometimes it will be doing the shopping or whatever else happened in our lives that day.

So glad you found us on the community, we have all lived through this and somehow that touch can help us combat the feeling of loneliness. When I started talking about our cancer experience at work so many people opened up to me about how cancer affected them - it often feels like the world moved away for us and that can often be extra difficult at this time of year.

<<hugs>>

Steve

Hi Pej, I understand exactly how you're feeling. My daughter was diagnosed at the same time as your daughter. She's coming to the end of chemo now. Surgery will follow. It's been brutal. I've been with her throughout, trying to smile and keep upbeat - while I really just want to shut the two of us away together and pretend it's not happening . I take my cue from daughter - if she needs to talk about the future and what might happen, I know I need to listen and let her talk. But it's so very hard, when you feel your whole world has come crashing down. Sending love and hugs and hoping that the new year will be a better one for all of us.

I'm in a similar situation. My daughter was only diagnosed a couple of weeks ago and she's got stage 4 breast cancer. She's 34. They started treatment yesterday. We're all still in shock and I know she needs me to be upbeat, but it's hard. They were trying for a baby and now she'll never have one. I've already upset her by trying to make her laugh and tell a funny story about a mutual friend's baby and she just broke down and cried long and hard as it reminded her of what she'll never experience.

I'm trying to let her lead the way and follow her lead. It's all so hard and made even harder by the secondary cancer that has weakened her leg so much that it's broken and they can't/won't operate as her bone is so weak and she's Stage 4.

Anusun, I just want to send a hug and let you know you're not alone. This is the hardest thing I've ever faced in my life and I'm sure you feel the same. I understand the total shock and overwhelming despair at the beginning. It doesn't get any better but the shock does pass and somehow you find a way to face each day and stay strong for your daughter - because that's what we, as mums, do. Sending you love and strength. x

Hi 

1. I can assure you, you’re not alone. My daughter told me today she’s is in a local WhatsApp group for breast cancer sufferers under 50. There are 75 in that group which means there are 75 other mother’s out there in this dreadful place. My daughter was diagnosed before Christmas. I’m heartbroken and like you all at sea. . I really don’t know what to do with myself and at a loss as how on earth I’m going to be able to support her. It’s well known I’m not the strongest person in the world. I’m just hoping I’m able to gather strength from somewhere…….

Hi Joyce, I'm so sorry you've found yourself joining our 'mums' club' - which none of us want to be a member of. You can only take it one day at a time and be there for your precious daughter. Try to find little things to do together that you can take pleasure in - coffee and cake in a nice cafe, a walk in the park, see a film at thr cinema. It doesn't make all the horror of what's happening go away, but it does stop your lives being all about cancer . My daughter and I try to do nice things together whenever she's feeling up to it.

My lovely daughter has now finished her chemo. The last cycle was probably the most brutal, side effects have been horrendous . Three weeks on, she's slowly improving. We have a date to see the surgeon now and will find out if they are planning 'conservation surgery' or a mastectomy. We have already been told that she will need radio and further chemo after the op. 

Keep reading and posting here, Joyce, it's a great source of support. Sending love and strength to you and your daughter. xxx

Hi, thank you for your reply. Yes there must be a lot of supporting Mums out there, but I've found it hard to find any! My daughter has just started chemo, and it really is quite scary. The hospital treatment area is cramped and mostly full of older people, I've been allowed to sit with her so far but they are not keen due to space, but I feel she needs company, distracted! I hope all goes well with you and and your daughter, we must be strong, sitting with my daughter whilst they gave her the treatment was the hardest thing I've ever done. As Mums we find strength for our loved ones. 

Hi Pej thank you for you taking the time to respond to my message. My daughter has yet to start her chemo but she has said she wants to do the first round on her own. She may change her mind, but if not, as upsetting as it is, I will have to respect her decision. 
I did try to explain to her that actually I don’t know what to say to her, I don’t know what to do for the best and the whole thing is an absolute s**t show! I was honest with how I felt and although I got upset we did end up laughing! 

Sending love and hugs to you and your daughter and all the other mothers and daughters out there. ️

Thank you Cherry for your kind words, I will certainly put them into practice. ️

Yes, it’s a club with zillions of members that no-one ever wants to join ….

Love, hugs, courage and strength to you and your lovely daughter ️