I’m finding it very hard to process my mums metastatic breast cancer. I find that I’m not as upset as I was the first time but I think it’s because there is a ball of sadness building up inside. I find I have to push it down to be strong for her and then I can’t just seem to let it out when I need to. I don’t have any information on her prognosis, and I don’t know who to ask to get it. I can’t ask her or the doctors while she’s there as it’s just so horrible to talk about.
I feel so overwhelmed but unable to process it, so appear like I’m handling it all really well. But I don’t feel like I’m actually handling it. I think I’m just functioning, in a way that isn’t really me but is at the same time. I feel guilty for worrying so much because I think that spurs on the possibility that it could get bad, but then I feel guilty for going on with my day-to-day life because I don’t know how much time I have to do the ordinary with her.
I just feel like with secondary cancer there is so much less knowledge and help.
I just want to know if I should tick off the bucket list items with her now or if I have more time.
Hi May1980
So sorry to hear about your mum - for you however if we look at your feelings when someone has cancer I know there is a lot I recognized about me and see echoed in your comments above - it is amazing how normal we are in a world that changed beyond our wildest imagination.
My wife's cancer is different - likely a fibroid turned and then spread mostly in to her lungs. When diagnosed she never wanted a prognosis and I struggled with that even asking about how I might get an idea without her asking. So glad I failed though because despite the oncologist actually being slightly pessimistic Janice responded better than anyone might imagine - her cancer is stable and we are living with cancer - took quite a lot of help to get there mind you.
One slightly weird thing that helped me was a major accident locally - 6 people went to work that morning and died - none of us really know what tomorrow will bring so make the most of every day.
In some ways cancer actually deepened our relationship - we now recognize how weak we can both be and how important it can be to just be there to listen. Cannot fix this but sharing the load can really help.
<<hugs>>
Steve
I feel the same. My mums cancer has spread and it’s hard not knowing. I feel like I’m in this huge pit of denial and when it comes to the surface it’s almost too much to bare so it push it all down again.
Whatever cancer throws your way, we’re right there with you.
We’re here to provide physical, financial and emotional support.
© Macmillan Cancer Support 2024 © Macmillan Cancer Support, registered charity in England and Wales (261017), Scotland (SC039907) and the Isle of Man (604). Also operating in Northern Ireland. A company limited by guarantee, registered in England and Wales company number 2400969. Isle of Man company number 4694F. Registered office: 3rd Floor, Bronze Building, The Forge, 105 Sumner Street, London, SE1 9HZ. VAT no: 668265007