I month ago we went to the doctor because my partner had back pain and som stomach issues. He was struggling to eat and was losing weight.
The doctor requested blood tests, an endoscopy and a ct scan.
We.first found out he had ulcers, then that the liver markers were going wrong, then that the was a growth I his pancreas and possibly lesions in his liver.
He developed jaundice, he had stents put in but they didn't help. The jaundice plateaued too high for the oncologist to do anything for him.
In less than a month we went from he has stomachache to he has stage 4 pancreatic cancer and we are sent home with the palliative care team support.
He is only 46, I'm 38. He is the love of my life and I'll just watch him die. Everybody talk ti me about organising the funeral and his stuff and life after.
But the reality is that I do not want a life after. I want to go with him. This is too much pain. Too little time. I cannot do this. I hate everything and everybody. I feel guilty for being healthy. I'm terrified by what is coming, by the idea of losing him.
I just want to go with him to stay by his side and have the life we had planned together. I don't want this life. I cannot cope with this pain.
What do I do?
Hello Tata
The first step is to take a deep breath. We are here to support you. We can not take away what you are both facing but you are not alone.
I am so sorry to hear that your partner has been diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. It must have come as a huge shock to you both and it has all happened so quickly.
I hope that your husband has a cancer nurse specialist (CNS) that is being supportive and is listening to your worries and fears about what is going to happen. The palliative care team are very used to supporting people in your situation and should also be able to offer advice and support. His GP also should be able to help where needed.
You are both so young and to have such awful news it so hard to deal with. Please talk to someone about how you are feeling. It is understandable how the rawness and pain can feel overwhelming and that you are grieving for the life that you had hoped to have together.
Although your partner's doctor feels that the cancer is incurable it does not mean that he will not be able to have supportive treatments to manage any symptoms and to control the cancer for as long as possible. This is where the palliative care team will come in. They will talk to you both about your wishes and about what support would help both of you.
There is a forum on here that may also be helpful, I will pop a link below. It is for people who are supporting a family member whose cancer is not curable. Sometimes sharing with others facing similar can help.
Supporting someone with incurable cancer forum - Macmillan Online Community
This link contains some information on being diagnosed with more advanced cancer and can give you both an idea what to expect and where support can be got from.
MAC11626 Coping with advanced cancer E12 (macmillan.org.uk)
This link shows the different ways of getting in touch with Macmillan and the ways in which we can support you both.
Emotional, financial and physical help for people with cancer | Macmillan Cancer Support
We have a Support Line (number below) which is there from 8am-8pm and please do give it a call if talking things through would help. They are lovely on there.
There is also the Samaritans number 116 123. They are there 24 hours a day , 7 days a week.
I hope this helps a bit. I am so sorry that you are both having to cope with this but please do not feel alone. If there is anything that would help or that you need please do ask.
Take Care
Jane
