I wish my mum was here - she went through what I am going through. Dad had been diagnosed with lung cancer and only given a short time to live. My husband has bile duct cancer and also has a short time. If mum was here I would ask:
How did she feel?
How did she cope?
What would she tell me to help at this time?
How do she manage to keep things together? to support him? to support herself?
I find myself thinking more and more about mum and dad and so wish that both of them were here
I feel sorry that maybe I wasn't much help for her.
I wish mum was here. I need to talk to her
Hello Clancy 1976
I am sorry that you are having to go through such a difficult time and understand why you wish Mum was still around to talk to. My own Mum died from cancer many years ago and I still sometimes wish I could talk to her.
I am really sorry that your Dad had lung cancer and was only given a short time. I am sure that both Mum and Dad knew you were there for them and that they were both loved and cared for.
I am sorry that your husband has also had a diagnosis of cancer and at times it must feel very overwhelming. I hope that you are getting the support you need from his hospital and doctors. I felt my CNS was a real support when I had cancer so don't be afraid to ask lots of questions and ask for the support you both need. I personally felt that having the information I needed and to know what was likely to happen did help and made me feel more in control. I also contacted my GP at times as he was able to explain things and often would get reports etc direct from the hospital before they came to me in the post.
If at any point you feel talking it all through with someone would help, then please do give the Support Line a call. They are lovely on there and can also have a look for you to see if there is any support in your local area. Sometimes just having another person to talk things through with can make a small difference in such an upsetting time. The number is at the end of this.
I think that it is very natural at a time when a loved one has been diagnosed to look back and think of family members that have passed away and to wonder what they would do. I am sure that you were a great comfort to your Mum and I think that at the moment it must all feel very overwhelming and it may probably mean you are just questioning/ going over past experiences. Also when I think back to my own Mum, she was a private person and probably didn't want to always share what was happening- in a way- her way of dealing with it. Sometimes also I feel our parents try to protect us. I know I did this at times.
You have a lot on your plate and I hope that you will consider speaking with someone on the Support Line. Feeling overwhelmed and not sharing how you are feeling can make things build up. I found just talking things through with friends/family and just expressing sometimes how I felt would bring some relief.
I hope this helps a bit but if there is anything that you need. please do ask.
Jane
