My partner's mum has been diagnosed with bladder cancer in the last month or so. We're not sure of her prognosis because she doesn't want to know anything. She's always been. ... um..... cantankerous and this whole process has made her more so imo.
She talks openly about suicide in front of her 14yo granddaughter who she lives which concerns me and there is a lot of open dispute in the family - not my partner who couldn't care less - about what she should do in terms of her estate (a house and some money). Obviously this is all impacting on her mental health and she spends most of her day catastrophising, crying and having rolling panic attacks. She is not open to any help with her mental health.
I guess I'm asking for other people's advice and experiences of navigating what might or might not be a long period of uncertainty and how best to support my partner so that he can best support his Mum, his sister and his niece who all live together.
Thanks for reading x
Hello Stefb
I am sorry to hear that your partner's Mum has been diagnosed with bladder cancer recently. This must be very difficult for you all. Whereas I do understand that she does not want to know a prognosis, I get that this makes things feel challenging for you all. Cancer can just amplify and existing family disputes and when there are strong personalities it can be hard to know how to navigate things.
Has your partner's Mum got a CNS and would she let you speak to them about how things are? Even without going into details about the cancer, they maybe able to offer some support. Is she having any treatments? Would these appointments be a time when questions could be asked?
Has she had mental health previously? I know you have said she is not open to any support but I wonder if coming from someone like her CNS/hospital team, she may be a little more open to the suggestion- if it is coming from a professional rather than family.
It is concerning that her mental health/talks of suicide are impacting her grand daughter. Does the grand daughter herself need someone to talk with? Is her school aware that there is illness in the family-I wonder if school could be a safe place for some support for her and someone to listen to things from her perspective.
Am not sure from your post whether you live with your partner but if you do not maybe it could be a way to have a family meeting. Away from your partners mum- and get you, your partner and his sister in the same place to openly talk about the best way ahead.
Please do give the Support Line a call as they will also be able to offer some advice during this challenging time. They can also have a look in your local area to see if there is any support available to you all. The number is at the bottom of this.
I will also pop a link here with some info on supporting someone with cancer. It may be a starting point for a discussion between you, your partner and his sister.
Supporting someone with cancer | Macmillan Cancer Support
I hope this helps a bit. I am sorry that you are all going through this at the moment.
Jane
