Feeling guilty for not coping

I don't know how people manage with working while also supporting a family member but I can say that the feelings you are experiencing are normal and part of the experience.  I find myself in denial, then acceptance, then angry, tearful. smiling and every possible feeling in between.  It helps to talk to some friends but others I avoid and it also helps me to type out how I am feeling.  This can be a good forum to do that.  Best wishes to you

Hi TPK29,

I really sympathise with you. My mum has stage 4 melanoma and was given 3 to 6 months at the start of October if her treatment doesn't work. I found the first couple of weeks incredibly hard - I could barely cope at all, all while trying to wear a brave face so my mum (and my dad) stays hopeful and not frightened. I felt just like you describe, numb, depressed, so anxious. But I've found that more recently I've kind of calmed down and got used to the idea somehow - that sounds really bizarre, but it's just how it's been. Reality still hits me sometimes like a train, but most of the time I'm able to function and live life like I normally would - apart from not sleeping properly, or eating particularly well. In the last week or two I've been able to concentrate on work again, which is a big relief. The distraction is very helpful.

I think what you're feeling is so normal and understandable, especially if the news is really raw for you still. I find that knowing other people feel the same way helps me cope with my emotions when they're really overwhelming, so I hope that's the same for you.

Sending you a big hug,

Pip x

Totally understand this. My husband has stage 4 prostate cancer and recently has had to have another scan and awaiting results of that. I was really struggling at work because until recently I never told any of my bosses or managers and I was managing fine. Now that hubby may/will need more treatment I have had to tell my line manager. I work in the NHS and have taken some sick leave because I was constantly being triggered at work. Maybe have a chat with your manager. Putting on a brave face at work is one of the hardest things to do because dealing with illness such as this goes to the core of our being. It is so hard. No two ways about it. Talk to your colleagues and manager. They should be able to support you if you need to take time off.