My sister lives in Europe and has been in hospital for a few weeks. Yesterday she received a pancreatic cancer diagnosis. The Dr says that she is too frail to be operated upon, and they are looking to see whether it's spread etc. She had been ill for a while with what was diagnosed as pancreatitis, so this is a shock.
We're not a close family, and I usually just message or text her very occasionally, but she can only take phone calls in the hospital. Her daughter (in the UK) spoke to her yesterday.
This may seem strange, but I really don't know what to say if I call her. I'm worried that I'll say the wrong thing, that she or I will break down, that she may ask about her prognosis etc. All of the usual things that we message about don't apply, as she's in hospital and may not come out (they can't release her to her home unless her daughter can move in, which is difficult as she is on a zero hours contract in the UK). She'll be worried about her dogs, and I can't give her any reassurance as I don't know much about her life there, so don't know these details.
I feel like a coward for shying away from calling her, but I'm worried that I'll make her feel worse, and as I never call her, it'll be a big deal.
I doubt I'm the first person to face this, but would welcome advice on what to do.
Thankyou
Hi Supporter1
Sorry to read about your sister and the issues you are all facing. We do have a whole load of pages on talking about cancer but perhaps first it might help to look at your feelings when someone has cancer since often the first thing we need to do is work out our own emotions.
Not sure why you cannot text, most patients I have seen in the UK have their mobiles with them though I know some used to ban them on wards in case they interfered with the equipment - nowadays most hospital are also flood filled with wi-fi.
As for her asking about her prognosis - surely she would be the one with the best knowledge of that. When my wife was diagnosed she was really clear she did not want a prognosis - I really struggled with that - she was right I was wrong. A prognosis is at best a guess based on averages.
<<hugs>>
Steve
